CHASE
42

With my foot on the gas and my eyes on the road, I drove. Drove to the secluded area that once used to be Chases home. I no longer felt strange as I got closer to my destination, my eyes scanning over the large 'welcome' sign of the adoption centre that wasn't only once Chase's home, but it was also mine.

I knew now why I felt strange the very first day I visited here, speaking to Ms Lavisham, it had all been weird. But now, I understood why it felt that way, I had been in my own childhood home, except, I just didn't remember it.

The snow felt scrunchy beneath my shoes as I stepped out of the car, I studied the building, the part they were renewing was already done. With the Christmas lights and decorations all around the building, I felt at ease and a part of me, felt at home.

The kids were busy throwing snowballs at each other, some seemed happy, some, not so much. But I guess that was life, happiness and sadness was bound to come to you at some point in your years of living but today, today I was determined to put a smile on each and every single of these kids faces. They surely deserved it.

'Would you like me to help you with that?' Ms Lavisham walked towards me from her spot by the pond, a gentle smile on her face as she offered to carry the many bags in my hands. It was nice to see her again.

'I think I'll be alright, maybe gather the kids by the pond? I have a surprise for them.' I returned her contagious smile and headed towards the pond that use to be Chase's getaway spot. A spot that Ms Lavisham seemed to keep close to her heart. With a nod of her head, she gathered the kids around me, by the pond.

'Merry Christmas.' I handed a goody bag to each child, which contained of toys, snacks and a hummingbird stuffed animal, because these children, they were free. Free to grow, free to live and learn, just like I had done, just like Chase did.

'You really put a bright smile on these little angel's faces, thank you for that and Merry Christmas to you too, although we still have a while till then.' She smiled, wrapping her scarf further around her neck.

'It makes me happy to see them happy, after all, I was once one of them.' I studied her expression as her features didn't make a change. She didn't seem shocked by my statement, in fact, she seemed to know just exactly what I was talking about.

'Welcome back here Sofia, I see, you're so grown.' My heart stilled, my movements ceased for a moment. She knew who I was all along? I looked at her for a long while, she returned the gaze, her small smile never lifting from her features.

'You knew.'

'From the moment I saw you.' She reached out and held my hand, squeezing it in her grasp.

'That's why you asked what my name was even though I had already told you that my name is Bella.' It made sense now, she'd asked me again what my name was, just like Chase had asked me if my name really was Bella at the beginning. He'd sensed that I was Sofia but Ms Lavisham, she knew.

'I could never forget such a pretty face.' She let go of my hand and turned towards the pond, her eyes held a light in them like she was happy, maybe at peace.

'And neither could he.' Her voice was soft but her words were confusing.

'He knew all along, I guess it took him a little while to be sure.' She looked back at me, this time there was sorrow in her gaze, she seemed sad, the peace had left her features and was replaced by pain.

'I'm sorry about what he did to you.' I swallowed down the hurt, I didn't want to think about it. I had accepted what he'd done and I planned to move on. There was no need to dwell on the past. I wasn't going to allow myself to be stuck in it and controlled by it, we all saw what that did to Chase and what it made him become.

'But I'm sure you're already at peace with it.' She glanced at me once more before she returned her attention to the frozen pond, the snow flakes fell silently to the ice cold water, momentarily distracting me from the all too depressing conversation.

'What makes you say that?' I questioned her, surely I still looked a mess, I knew that I had a long way to go before I could be ok, but I was willing to try and I was going to succeed.

'You're here aren't you?' She lifted her head and inhaled the fresh winter air, her eyes watching the white sky.

'You wouldn't be here if you hadn't made your peace with it. But I can see the sadness behind your hazel eyes, what is it that holds you back from moving on Sofia?' She lifted her hand and stroked the side of my face, her gesture, kind but it sent shivers up my body. I felt like there was something she was trying to tell me with her question.

'He was shot.' She didn't seem too surprised by my statement, with a simple nod of her head she urged me to continue.

'No matter how hard I try to forget him, I can't help but worry about his wellbeing, is he out there somewhere? Is he alive?' A part of me was trying to forget about him but I knew that I could never do that, I just wanted to know that he was alive, that he hadn't lost his life because of me. That's all I wanted.

'You know Chase, he always replaces his way. I can guarantee that he's out there, alive and well.' She looked so sure, it was nerve racking. I couldn't understand her calmness, but I knew that she'd known Chase for a long time and she had observed him enough to know that he would be ok, no matter what. I planned to think just like her, to believe in him.

'I can see that you've forgave him, but have you forgave yourself?' My eyes fell to the snow filled ground, I rubbed my shoes into the snow for a while, trying to form the words to respond to her question. Why was she so good at reading people?

I sucked in a large amount of oxygen and said 'no.' I felt stupid. He had done so much to me. He had crushed me under his feet and here I was, feeling guilty over the fact that he could be dead and it would be my fault.

'I think after what he did to you, he owed you more than his life. Forgive yourself, that is the least you can do for the either of you.' A frown coated my features as I stared up at her.

'How.. how do you know that he took a bullet for me?' The thought had just crossed my mind, I never told her how he was shot and I'm sure there was nothing about that said on the news. So how, did she know?

'You've always been too curious for your own good, even as a child, you were constantly trying to understand things. Sometimes, things are better left unknown.' She smiled again, a smile that I didn't know if I wanted to trust. Although the only aura that she gave out was a kind, sweet one, I just had an uneasy feeling that she knew more than she let on, and how she knew that? I had no idea but I knew I wasn't going to get it out of her and that, that made me feel even more confused as to what really happened to Chase? But I left it as that, I'd came here to brighten the children's day and that's what I was going to do.

With my eyes on the road and my foot on the gas, I drove away from the secluded area that once upon of time used to be mine and Chase's Home. The darkness had revealed its form and took over the light sky, the night slowly approaching the city as I drove. Drove and never stopped. I didn't let my mind wander too much about my encounter with Ms Lavisham. I wanted to stop thinking for a while, I wanted to just drive.

I made my way to my parents house, deciding that I didn't need to be alone to feel better, they needed me just as much as I needed them. I wasn't going to push them out, if I wanted to live, I had to start now.

All those thoughts came to and end as I neared to the house, a gut feeling attacking my senses while I drove closer, driving through the entrance to the yard I couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling I had creeping up on me. I checked the mirror to see if any car was following me, not making the mistake of being oblivious to what was lurking behind, in the shadows. But when I looked forward again..

A scream escaped my throat while I hit the breaks in horror. Stopping inches away from running him over. My heart pounded in my chest and my breath was caught in my lungs as I stared at the man stood seconds away from my front bumper. It was dark and his face wasn't clear but it didn't take much for me to know that he was indeed, Chase. Closing my eyes shut for a moment, trying to get a grip on myself. When I opened my eyes again, he was gone.

Stepping out of the vehicle, I frantically searched all around the car but he was no where to be found. Had I been hallucinating? I didn't know. But what I did know is that the pain in my heart was back and everything that I'd tried to forget about him had came crumbling down as I sunk onto the floor, leaning my back against the car with my head in my hands. Even now that he was gone, he was still haunting me.

I sat there with my tears running wild. My mind drained and my heart crippled. I ran my fingers over the hummingbird that covered the C on my collarbone then took a deep breath.

'You're gone.' I whispered into the silence.

'And I'm free.'