CUSP
11

I didn’t expect O’Brien to be here so soon, it’s like he was just nearby or maybe the pounding of my head is what is making me lose track of time.

I make sure to lock up both the house and the gate when he tells me he is outside.

‘You look terrible.’ He says immediately I enter the car

I manage to feign a smile, I had thought the pain killer would do it’s magic but then it had been getting worse by the minute.

‘Thank you I guess.’ I say buckling myself in

‘Wake I don’t know how many times I need to tell you that whenever something is bothering you don’t hesitate to tell me, you make me feel bad.’

‘How so?’

‘Like I only want you for the good times, which is not even the case because I care about you come what may.’

I want to tell him that him talking to me like this with the headache I am feeling is not helping but I just keep quiet.

‘I am sorry I am talking too much, I bet I am making the pain worse.’

I touch his thigh, my head leaned back with eyes closed.

The rest of the drive is in silence, God knows I had hoped this pain would lessen but it is hurting like crazy.

We get to Lewanika Mall and he parks just in front of Msimbi Dolls.

‘I will be coming, let me just pick your medicine.’

I nod my head wordlessly, he had mentioned we would go to the clinic but then I remember that he has a friend that has a pharmacy and obviously that one here is his.

He returns almost twenty minutes later, with shoprite shopping bags and a khaki medicine pack.

‘The medication is in here, but then you will have to take once you eat.’

‘I think I ate.’

‘Well I am not sure about that and neither are you so I will cook for you and then you can drink the medicine.’

‘Don’t you have to be at the birthday lunch?’

‘Your health is more important.’

I don’t argue with that, O’Brien had a funny way of doing things I have come to accept that it’s pointless to tell him otherwise.

We get to new Kasama at that flat and walk into the house together, I am shocked when we enter because the house is smelling divine.

‘I asked the chef to prepare something for you to eat.’ He tells me putting the shopping bags down

I make myself comfortable on one of the chairs and he immediately covers me with a fleece blanket, he walks to the kitchen and when he is back he is holding a tray that has a plate of vegetable friend rice with beef stew and a glass of pure juice and a bottle of water.

‘Thank you.’ I tell him

My stomach picks this same moment to embarrass me and we both laugh to it.

‘I hope you get better babe, I hate seeing you like this.’

‘I will be fine.’

‘You better, it will be hard for me being out of town and knowing that you are not feeling well.’

‘Yeah.’

‘I think I might have planted a seed of doubt in Claudia.’ I say after much silence

‘How so?’

‘When we were talking earlier I didn’t know that she had gotten back your phone so I called you by your name and she was asking why.’

He laughs

‘And what’s funny?’

‘How you are sounding, it’s like it didn’t click your mind that eventually someone would replace out.’

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Babe I am in love with you and you know that I am not going anywhere or changing how I feel about you, but you need to get to a point where you accept that eventually the world will know about this.’

I put the plate of food down, he must be out of his mind to think that I am going to risk my friendship with Claudia for him, risk his wife’s respect for me or even risk how Caleb looks at me.

‘Eat up.’ He says standing up

This conversation is not done yet, I don’t have the strength to argue right now but we will definitely pick it up later.

He returns with a glass of juice and settles back in his chair.

I eat my food in silence, I don’t know why but I have been so scared of thinking through everything. This whole O’Brien mess is getting messy and I didn’t see it getting this far.

‘Let me get into your thoughts right now.’

He pauses

‘You need to stop fighting what we have.’

I look at him, making sure to stare deep in his eyes.

‘Do you ever think that maybe I want more? More than being in hidden places with you? Being with a man that is going to show me off and take me on dates that don’t involve hidden apartments?’

‘And I have never stopped you, you know I don’t mind seeing you with another person as long as I know about them.’

‘Even if that person is your son?’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You know Besa likes me don’t you?’

‘He is marrying Astridah.’

‘And yet he likes me and he wanted me to be at the lunch at whatever cost.’

‘What are you driving at?’

‘O’Brien Besa might have engaged another girl today but then you and I know that your son has a way of doing things, if I am right then he won’t hesitate to drop that and try to be with me. What are you going to do about that?’ I challenge and I see how his shoulders and face drop

..

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Winnie

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