Divorced, But Not Broken
Divorced, but Not broken Chapter 59

"Jonah.... You don't have to do that, it's just money that is wasted on me...." I didn't want to say that it was expensive, but it was, I mean I knew he wasn't broke, hell he had bought me furniture, but my parents had paid a lot to get me to come and stay with them, He just frowned again, making me feel guilty for even saying that I wanted him to come along. I really did, but I just felt like shit that he was spending money to be with me, helping me again.

one of the reasons that I felt like I had to go even if I didn't want to.

"Okay tell me what this really is about, you know I can f*****g pay for a ticket and don't give me more shit about that! You just don't want me to meet your parents, or that fucker you were married to! You are still f*****g ashamed of me being nineteen and I know it!" he backed away from me and made an annoyed growl like he was sick of me acting like this already when I took a deep breath. No I wasn't ashamed of him! That was bullshit!

"I'm not ashamed of you, I love you Jonah.... I just feel bad.... I'm thirty-three, and I still have to depend on my parents, on you.... It is killing me, I feel awful for it. you are not supposed to save me. you are the kid here, not me....." I stopped having my arms crossed, feeling fatigued and lean against the doorframe. He didn't get it, he just didn't.

He started to chuckle when I looked up surprised at his amusement, he was laughing at me. Why? I just looked more hurt, he was being an a*****e for acting like this, I hated to talk about me being f*****g broke, I got paid I did, but it just wasn't enough, it covered what I needed and not a dime more, and I was still paying off the f*****g mortgage that Ryan was cheap on still even if he had helped me out, but he didn't want to spend that much money on me, he had a new wife soon and I bet she didn't like that either, him giving me money.

"That's what this is all about? Me paying? You are too cute sometimes Andrea.... You sure as hell aren't like the other bitches I fucked before....." He smiled when I felt worse, I know I wasn't like the young pretty things he was f*****g before me, I just wasn't. "It's more than that, I'm supposed to be able to pay for myself, its fucking humiliating having you do that for me, you are a kid Jonah, no matter how you act, you are...." He stopped laughing from my answer looking serious again, oh he was mad at me, I could tell. "Who the hell are you calling a kid?! that's a fucking insult to me you know, I know I'm younger Andrea, but don't go acting all almighty on me just because of it! I know shit, stuff that you're pretty little head never will understand, and that's just how it is, but don't ******g use my age against me! I been running my own shit since I was fifteen, and I know more people than you have your whole life!" Ouch. I felt the hard slap in my face when he said that. almost smirking in the end at me because he knew that he was right, he was so much more of them me on that part, I was sheltered and naïve, and he wasn't, he really wasn't.

I didn't answer that, just felt the heat that made my face red, from embarrassment, from humiliation and just overall feeling like a loser that was getting my face rubbed in the hard truth. he was so much more then me, in everything. He was handsome and smart, charming and cocky, just someone that people wanted to be around, listen to and follow, and I was none of that.

"Listen.... Don't look so sad, you know what I mean.... I love you too and I don't mind paying. It just pisses me off that you can't accept that I want to help you. Would it be any better if I was old and dying like that James you always hang around, why is there a fucking difference between me and him?" he was looking sad now and I swallowed. Shit he really wasn't going to let me go on this, nailing me to the wall with all the hard questions, I bet he had been wanting to tell me this from the start and now when he had started he wasn't going to stop.

"I don't know... it just feels different... and he doesn't pay for me, not like you do...." I got quiet again seeing him just walk over to the bed and sit down, back turned from me and I felt my chest starting to feel heavier, like I couldn't breathe when he didn't look at me, was mad at me and before I knew it, I had walked over and was on my knees before him, looking pleading into his blank face hunched over with his elbows resting on his legs.

"Jonah.... I'm sorry.... F**k.... I'm really sorry.... I just... its hard for me you know, being the older one, and you being so goddam perfect, people think I'm the bad one of us, I'm supposed to meet someone like James and...well, have that life...and a part of me want that... but I love you, and nothing can stop that, not even James and everyone else around us, or my parents that are going to have a fucking heart attack seeing that you are my boyfriend...." He looked at me and scoffed like he wasn't satisfied with my answer, maybe he thought that it was stupid, well I was stupid, and he knew that.

"You think its easy for me, why the fuck are you saying shit like that, me being perfect? I'm not fucking perfect Andrea, and people only see what the fuck I want them to see, I thought that you of all people would get that!" he was about to get up and leave me here on my knees when I stopped him, I didn't want him to go away from me, I felt vulnerable as hell having all these emotions coming up so early in the morning and him just doing what I thought he never would do, tell me what he really felt.

"How would I know that Jonah? You never said a goddamn word to me, about anything before you thought that I was leaving you behind!" He made that motion of clenching his jaw again and I just looked sad more, I wasn't the only one to blame here, he was just as guilty for not opening his goddam mouth to me and just own up to his feelings, hurting me like hell with how he acted to me, knowing that I loved him.

"You are just as embarrassed over me too, why the hell would you tell me that you didn't love me, told me to back off, go see other girls and just be a fucking dick to me half the time that you weren't the sweetest guy I had ever met?!" I was still on my knees when he looked into my eyes, deep bend over to his height being far over mine.

"I was trying to protect you." He just said that. deep dark and I just saw him lean back again from my face, making me disappointed, and here I thought he was about to kiss me again, bastard.

"From what?!" I was getting annoyed; I was literally on my knees here before him and all he could do was tell me shit that I didn't believe for two seconds.

"From me." He was still serious when I made a small chuckle, making his frown deeper, what kind of asshole reason was that?! omg I really wanted to smack him sitting there, almighty and looking down on me, telling me he was an asshole for my sake! "Yeah.... You know what... whatever makes you sleep at night, you where fucking afraid of me being older and what people would say, what it would do to your image, and I'm not talking about some f*****g superstore, I mean people that follow you, that thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread."

I was already up when he pulled me back into his lap and I made a small gasp from the way he looked at me, he was mad again, I had that talent, making him angry in two seconds.

"Are you calling me a fucking coward Andrea!? because I'm not!" he was gritting his teeth when I smirked at him, yes, he was a fucking coward and I was right, he was happy to play along with this, as long as we didn't do it around his parts of the town, he wasn't going to let people know I was his girlfriend, and he was an asshole.

"Yes." I just said that making his hand on my thigh squeeze hard, oh he wanted to punish me for talking back to him, tough luck, I wasn't in the f*****g mood to play that game.

"I

I seen your stories with so many fucking random girls to know that you where never going to admit that I mean something to you, that we mean something." I sounded hurt in the end... I was hurt... shit I really just wanted him to love me, was that so much to ask? he was mean and angry half the time, the least he could do was admit that I was right about this, he was ashamed of having feelings for me, I know I was.