I Shouldn't Love Him
I Shouldn’t Love Him (Book 2) – Chapter 62

LAKE

If she thought that kind of attention was better than none at all.

Tiffany took her glass again. “Sorry, Lake. I’d die if you left me here alone all week.

Finally, Manning let me go take the cup from Tiffany. “That’s fine with you too. Where did you even get this? »

“I have my habits.” She pouted. “And later, when it’s just you and me?” »

“No. And don’t mention it again.

I couldn’t handle it. If they were planning to be alone, I didn’t know whether it was better to know or pretend that wasn’t the case.

Manning stiffened in his seat. “Is that the guy from the fair?” he asked.

Tiffany and I followed his line of sight to Corbin Swenson, who looked as tall and swooning as ever in a sweatshirt , jeans, and skate shoes. Corbin walked toward us, his hoodie pulled over his head, his hands shoved into the front pocket of the hoodie. “Corbin!”

Gary said. “You did it.”

Corbin opened his arms. “You wanted a baseball star, here I am.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Tiffany said. “You weren’t at any of the meetings.” “Lac knew.” Corbin m ‘ winked, and Tiffany and Manning looked.

“I asked him to drive over for a day to play ball tomorrow,” Gary said.

“Maybe teach those boys a few things.” , Corbin added.

“What’s wrong with just throwing the ball?” Manning asked.

“Nothing.” Corbin shrugged as he and Manning locked eyes. “But when you have access to an all-star, you might as well take advantage of it. I came here when I was a child. Same as the lake.

It was a strange feeling to hear a Swenson say my name, but doing it in front of everyone made me dizzy.

“So proud of you, man,” Gary said. “Sit down.”

Corbin grabbed two chairs and everyone except Manning rushed to open the circle for him. Perhaps because of this, Corbin put the two seats on the other side of Manning. “Looks like you could use one of yours,” he said, since Tiffany and I were sharing.

“I’m good where I am,” Tiffany replied, placing her hand on Manning’s knee.

“I was talking to Lake,” Corbin said.

With all eyes on me, including Manning’s burning gaze, I went to sit between Manning and Corbin.

Corbin pulled down his hood, running a hand through his honey-colored hair. “How was your summer?” He asked.

“GOOD.” Nobody spoke. I had the distinct impression that they were all listening to our conversation. “Stay busy.”

“Of course you are. Every time I see you, you’re reading or you’re with friends, or, he said, clicking his tongue, you’re eating cotton candy. Oh, God Corbin Swenson was flirting with me, and all I wanted to do was to check if Manning was watching. Was he maybe just a little jealous? “You make it look like I’ve just been messing around all day.”

” Is not it ? ” He asked. “It’s summer.”

“No. My dad won’t let me. That’s why I was reading at the beach. For school.”

“Ahh.” He sat back in his seat, crossing one ankle over his knee. “Charles, is that it?” It’s your father ? My old man works with him.

“I know.”

“So you’re not messing around here?”

“No. This is for my college applications. Don’t tell my dad I like it.

We smiled at each other.

“I feel a romantic connection,” Gary said, wiggling his eyebrows at me. He sat down before. “But listen, you two…”

“Leave that stuff at home,” everyone recited before bursting into laughter.

“Okay, okay,” Gary said. “I m ‘just expect you to set a good example for the children. No alcohol, no s*x.

“Unless it’s you who has it?” Tiffany teased.

More laughter.

“You’re all a bunch of degenerates,” Gary said. He stood up and stretched. “I need my beauty rest. Remember: Reflection is at seven tomorrow morning and not a minute later. The last stall to show gets dining room cleaning duty. Hannah and I

swapped looks. “It won’t be us.”

Corbin also stood up and gently touched my shoulder. “I’ll be right back. I have a few questions for Gary about tomorrow. Do not leave.

I just nodded as I watched him walk away.

“I’m bored,” Tiffany said.

“There’s a deck of cards,” Manning said. “We could play a game.”

“With alcohol?” “God, Tiffany. I already told you no.

“I said I was bored, not fifty. I don’t want to play cards.

“You’re not I have to.” Manning nodded to a group of counselors across the hall. “Do you know one?” “

No.”

“Why don’t you go introduce yourself? Part of this experience is to meet new people.

“Because I prefer to do other things, like . . ” Tiffany moved her chair closer to him and whispered in his ear.

Manning kept his eyes on the ground. “We can not.”

“Why not?”

“You know why.” His eyes moved to my feet but stayed downcast as he stuttered, “We’re not. . and I promised your mother.

“She is not there.” She pulled on his arm. “Can we go for a walk?”

He let out a sigh. “I’ll make you a deal.” Go say hello, chat a little, then we can go for a walk.

She rolled her eyes but stood up. “Okay, okay. Do you want to come with me?”

“Yeah. I’ll be there.”

I couldn’t watch Manning. My face burned just thinking about them alone there doing things you could only whisper about – now, later, the rest of the week. One minute I swore he and I had a supernatural connection. And then there were moments like this, when I wondered how well I really knew him.

He rested his elbows on his knees and spoke only for my ears. “We’re just going out to smoke a cigarette. That’s all.”

“You said you weren’t going to smoke at all.”

“No, I said I’d understand.” He cleared his throat. “You know how bad it is.” Is it hard to go all day without a cigarette?”

“Would you quit if I asked you?” He blinked slowly, as if seeing me for the first time. “What?” “

If I asked you to stop, would you do it?

” “Why?”

“It’s not good for your health.”

“I don’t do it in front of you.”

My mouth opened. “Yes, you do.”

“When? Name once.

I thought about the day I met him and the night of the fair and the time I went to pick him up at the site. He had held cigarettes, put them behind his ear, even stuck them between his lips. But he never lit one, or if he did, he put it out as soon as I got close. It hadn’t occurred to me that it was on purpose. I could, however, remember the smell of smoke near him. I could almost taste the bitterness on his mouth.

“You can’t think of one because it didn’t happen,” he said.

I opened my eyes without realizing I had closed them. My mouth was watering. “You’re right. But I’m not asking you to stop for me. It’s because I care about you. I care enough that I want you to stop hurting yourself.

I had never seen him speechless. Calm? Yes. Stoic? Absolutely. But not speechless. “I’m going to quit. Someday. Soon.” He swallowed. “I get two or three a day.” It wasn’t good enough, so I didn’t respond. “But if you want me… I’ll try harder. I wanted him not to go out with Tiffany. Truth be told, I would come to love the smell of cigarettes because it reminded me of him , and I would cherish the gross taste on his tongue, the stench, if it meant a k**s, but more than that, I had spent my time young people learning how cigarettes blacken your lungs and kill you over time. I don’t I didn’t want that for him. “Try harder,” I said.

He gave me a funny look. I didn’t mean it rudely, but who was I to tell a grown man how to live?

“Very good,” he said. “I’ll.”

Tiffany waved to us from the door.

“She’s waiting for you,” I said, turning away from my seat.

“Who?”

“Tiffany.”

“Oh.” He didn’t get up right away. “I’ll be back. Stay here.”

It doesn’t matter. I’ve always done what I was told, whether it came from my parents, my teachers, Tiffany, or now Manning. And where did that lead me? Here , watching him walk away with her. “Why should I?” I asked.

“Because I don’t want you wandering around in the woods by yourself at night. That’s reasonable, right?” He didn’t wait for my response, he just got up and left.

What if I walked alone in the woods at night? Would he put me on hiatus from counseling? He had no real power over me. Why should I listen to everything I said when he was out with my sister?

“Are you doing OK?”

I looked up at Corbin, who towered over me. “Yes. I mean no. I’m tired.”

“Long day, huh? Can I walk you back to your cabin?” Manning had told me to stay put. I knew it was because he cared, but at that moment, I I even wondered what that meant. I stood up. “That would be nice.”

Corbin held the door for me and we walked out into the night. As soon as we left the glow of the cafeteria, darkness was all around us . “Man, I love it here,” Corbin said as we walked through the woods. “So peaceful. I would have done the counselor thing, but I start baseball camp this week.

“Are you really in the all-star team?”

“Yeah. I’m applying for scholarships, actually.

“Really? Where?”

“My dad wants me to go somewhere in California, like Stanford, but I’ve always wanted to move east.”

I stopped to gape at him. “You’re kidding. You’re such a California guy.

He’s laughing. “I know. It’s strange. But I like that the East Coast has history and that the city is like the center of the world. I want to do great things, Lake. To be somebody. That’s what it’s all about. that it’s New York.

“What about surfing? Skating? All that?”

“You can surf in New York. There’s this place called Montauk. It’s badass, or so I’ve heard. I haven’t been there yet.

We started walking again, his knuckles brushing my arm. “And you? I know you’re a year younger than me, but have you started thinking about college?”

“I’m going to USC.”

He laughed. “Just like that, huh?”

Just like that. Easy. Wasn’t it? I hadn’t really thought there might be other options. It had only ever been ‘SC. “Would you stay in California if your dad asked you?

“Only if I wanted to.” The East Coast seemed so far away. Going to school there would be like moving to a new country. If I was honest, even Stanford in Northern California intimidated me . “My dad went to USC. We’ve been working on stuff for my college applications since middle school. We hadn’t even discussed it. Dad and I had just started planning at one point.

“It’s cool,” he said. “I mean, it’s a great school. They have a baseball team, too.

I looked at the floor, not sure how to respond to that. For a few silent seconds, the only sound was our feet crunching on the school floor. forest and the chirping of crickets. I first smelled cigarette smoke. It made its way through me instantly, leaving me warm and cozy, as it usually meant I was close to Manning. Also strongly Although I associate him with it, it still surprised me that he never smoked in front of me.

“I hear voices,” Corbin said. “Who smokes?”

“Who do you think?

” Your sister?”

I nodded and called, “Tiff?

” “We’re here,” she said.

Corbin and I cut through the trees until two dark figures appeared.

“What “What are you doing here, Lake?” Manning asked. “I told you to…” He stopped, and the four of us were silent for a moment. “Told him what?” asked

. Tiffany.

“To stay where she was.”

It was so quiet I could hear Tiffany moving on her platforms. “Why?”I followed his rules. He couldn’t protest. And if he did, what would it look like for Tiffany and Corbin? “He doesn’t think it’s safe to walk around alone in the dark,” I said. “But, as you can see, I am not alone. So good night.”

I felt his eyes on me. He wanted to say more. Now he knew how I felt, always having to keep things inside.

Finally, Manning took a drag from his cigarette and after a few seconds , he stepped back. “‘Night.

“He’s an intense guy,” Corbin said as we walked away.

I couldn’t answer, not without lashing out at Corbin, who had nothing to do with it.

“Do you want to go see the lake?” Corbin said. “It’s a bit of a walk, but it’s amazing at night.”

“No thanks. I have to get up early.

“We both do.” Corbin didn’t speak again until we reached my cabin. He shoved his hands into his hoodie and stepped back. “Later .”

“Are you angry?”

He stopped. “I don’t know, Lake. I asked you out a few times, and…

“Was it you who asked me out?

” The corner of his mouth lifted. “Good. It wasn’t a big gesture, I admit, but you don’t have to be mean about it.

Corbin had been nothing but a gentleman tonight. Since I met him, in fact. And he was right, I kind of blew him away both times. Me, blowing a Swenson. It was so crazy, I almost laughed. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m not really… I don’t go out.

“Never?” I shook my head. “For starters, my dad says I’m too young.”

“He’s a real badass, don’t isn’t it?”

“Kind of.”

“And the second reason?

“What?”

“You said for one. That’s two?”

“Oh.” I didn’t have a second reason why I could vocalize. I had a crush on a boy like him, and it had everything I felt for Manning. They don’t compare in my eyes. “It’s just an expression.”

Corbin unzipped his hoodie. The temperature had dropped once the sun had disappeared. He nodded behind him. “It has nothing to do with that guy, does it?”

“Who? Manning?” Despite the cold, my scalp warmed up. “No. Why?”

“No reason. Will you come to the baseball game tomorrow? Encourage me? »

I had been quite a fool, refusing him, but he still wanted to see me. Corbin was nice, all right, and in a strange turn of events, he might like me. I should just say yes. It was so much easier than that back-and-forth with Manning that left me in knots in my stomach. With Corbin, there were no knots. There was nothing, really. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing.

I nodded. “I will come.”

“Cool. I’ll see you in the morning.