Lost in the Deep Blue Sea
02.

“You seem a little shocked to see me,” he said.

I looked at the sand and tried to inch farther back into the waters. “It’s not as if we are afraid of you but you’re pretty well known where I come from. You’re Peter Pan.”

He stepped forward and smiled. “I am. You don’t have to be afraid. I don’t bite. Who are you, may I ask?”

I hesitated for a moment, wondering if I should expose myself. He was not to be messed with. “I’m Raina, Queen of the Sea.” I established my position. I was going to make it known that I wasn’t just of small importance but rather I was of very much importance in my world. I was at the top.

He bent down and held his hand out to me. “Nice to meet you, Raina.”

I stared at his hand as if it was a poisoned fish I had to be cautious of. He moved it a bit, trying to tell me to take it. “You shake it. You grab my hand with your hand and we shake. It’s how humans greet each other.”

“I’m not human,” I stated.

“You’re half human.” He didn’t seem offended by my lack of manners for his traditions.

“I’m more fish than I am human.” I looked up at his face.

Mr. Pan gave up on the shaking idea and pulled his hand back to his side. He sat on in the sand and rested his arms atop his knees. He looked at me. “Explain to me how you’re more fish than you are human.”

I looked at my tail and touched it, feeling the wet skin. It almost felt like slime but wasn’t quite there. I laid my fingers on the smooth tail. “It runs in my family. As royalty, we just happen to have more fish in us. It’s how we can run the sea so easily. I’m Queen of the Sea and the life that resides within it. I am not the queen of any humans. That’s why I look like this.” I gestured to myself.

Mr. Pan tilted his head. “Look like what? A mermaid?”

“I don’t look like most mermaids. Most mermaids have one skin tone. They have beautiful voices that are silky, smooth, golden, fruity... They have pleasant voices that can put anyone to sleep. Their tails have more color in them, the pigment being very bright and stunning. They have eyes the same size as yours. Their fingers look human. They do not look like me.”

Mr. Pan picked up a shell from the sand, admiring it. “That’s okay. Not every mermaid should look the same. They get boring like that. If every seashell looked the same, no seashell would be beautiful.” He looked at me and smiled.

I pushed some hair behind my ear and looked at the water. “I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

Mr. Pan jumped up from the sand and walked into the water until it came to his ankles. “What are the other mermaids like? What are their personalities?”

I couldn’t decide on telling Mr. Pan the truth or lying. Would he be upset if I spoke negatively about my own people?

“They all vary like human personalities. Some of them are very sweet and caring. Some of them can be harsh and judgemental.” That was the answer that seemed to be the safest.

Mr. Pan stared out at the sea and stayed quiet for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure what he could be thinking. I had always wondered what boys usually thought about. Surely they had a different thought process?

Mr. Pan looked down at me. “Your tail is beautiful.”

I looked at the thing attached to the bottom half of my body, the tail he referred to. It was mostly a black shade with a tint of blue. I looked up at the boy king and nodded. “Thank you.”

He walked out of the water and looked back at me. “Can you ever grow legs?”

“I could but it takes a while. I have to be completely dry and I don’t have an interest in walking. Swimming is my mode of getting from point A to point B with all points being in the sea.”

He looked at his island. “Is there anything I can say to change your mind about walking?”

I smiled a bit at his question. “No. I prefer to be myself and not the person others would rather see.”

“That sounds fair. I can respect that.” He nodded his head and crossed his arms across his chest. He wore clothes like every other human but his clothes were in a dark green color scheme. His shirt came to a V point and his pants were made up of thick material. His feet were barefoot.

“Do all humans wear shoes?” I pointed to his feet.

Mr. Pan chuckled and looked down at his feet, wiggling his toes. “We only wear shoes if we need to. I prefer not to wear any shoes. My feet enjoy the fresh air. They like to breathe. Do you mermaids never wear bras?” He pointed to my chest.

My cheeks heated up and I fixed my hair to cover my breasts. “We’re all girls. We don’t have a reason to usually wear bras. I see your point.” I nodded, understand what he was referring to now. He didn’t wear shoes like I didn’t wear bras.

“Why are you at the beach tonight?” I asked Mr. Pan.

He shrugged his shoulders. “I wanted to go down to the beach. Captain Hook doesn’t normally come here. He’s looking for me. I did something...mischievous.”

“What did you do?”

Mr. Pan gave me a devilish smile. “I removed the wheel from his ship and hid it on this island. Sometimes a boy just wants to have fun.”

“Do you never grow?”

“I do not. I am forever a boy and forever a boy I will stay. I came here when I was seventeen and I’ve been seventeen for over a century.”

“May I ask why you are not hurting me? I heard bad things about you, Mr. Pan. You could capture me and give me off to the captain as an apology and a way of sparing your own life.” I leaned on my hands for support.

“I guess it’s a good thing those assumptions are wrong. I always think it’s a better idea to judge someone based on your interaction with them rather than someone else’s tall tales.”

My cheeks heated up once again, causing me to feel embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“Nonsense. You did not offend me. You are still here and you’re taking the chance to get to know me. If you believed those tall tales, you would’ve left long ago.” He smiled to reassure that I was not coming off as rude.

“What is it like ruling Neverland?”

“Well, it’s an adventure. Every day is different and every lost boy makes it just as exciting as yesterday. They are truly happy here. This is where kids can be free. They can be themselves and know that they are loved for who they are. I do not like parents who hurt their own flesh and blood.” He squatted to my level.

“That’s really nice of you. The boys really like you, don’t they?” I tilted my head, admiring the pure joy in this boy’s face.

“They love me. I’ve given them purpose and a reason to live.” He stood up, standing tall and proud.

I looked around the beach. Mr. Pan got down to my level again. “How old are you? Do mermaids age?”

“Mermaids age. We are a breed of fish and human, two creatures that grow and age, two creatures that eventually die. I’m sixteen years old. I’m in the years that I must replace the man who will fill me with children. I have to have chosen him by eighteen or I will be forced to be with whomever the mermaids have chosen. I do not wish to fall into the same fate that has already been planned for me.”

Mr. Pan gave me a pitiful look, one I did not know how to respond to. “Nobody deserves to be trapped in a fate they don’t want to be in. You should be able to live with free will.”

“What is free will?”

“It’s the choice to do what you want to do. It’s something all humans are given.”

“I’m part human. Do I not get some free will?” I deserved to choose my own path. I did not want to be an incubator.

Mr. Pan stroked his chin. “I think you do. You are the queen. You should be able to change the rules. If you do not want to be one who has babies when you’re not ready, you shouldn’t have to.”

I looked at the sea as he said that. He was right. I was the queen. I did not want to be the reproduction system for the mermaids. I wanted to take my own path. I wanted free will.

“I should get back to my people.” I looked at Mr. Pan.

He nodded and stood up. “Alright, shall we meet here again tomorrow?”

“For what reason?”

“We can be helpful to each other. We both run kingdoms. We have a lot of people to take care of. I think we can relate. I’ll add on that I also think you’re an interesting one. I’ve never been so intrigued by a mermaid before.”

“Alright, Mr. Pan. We will meet here again, tomorrow night. Don’t be late.” I scooted myself back into the depth of the sea and swam away from the shore. I headed through the water and came upon a tunnel that took me inside of our underwater cave.

Cora looked at me and smiled. “Welcome back, Raina.”

Cora was naive for a young mermaid. She only supported our procreation method because she wasn’t the one forced into it. She didn’t know what it was like to be stuck on a path she did not choose.

I got up on the ledge and took my spot next to my best friend. “What if the man I picked out was a king? Would it be taboo to still want to be with him even after he gave me babies?”

Cora lifted her eyes from braiding her hair up to my eyes. “A king? You’ve spotted a king? What does this king look like?”

“That wasn’t the question I asked,” I said.

Cora straightened her shoulders and chewed on her lip. “Why would you want to be with a man after he gave you babies? What purpose does that serve?”

“What if I wanted love?” It had been something I’d thought about at times. What if I didn’t just want a man to be my sperm donor?

“Love? Why would a mermaid want love? What purpose does love serve?” I wish my friend would stop asking me that question.

“Humans choose to love. We have human in our DNA.”

“You, Raina, have more fish than human in your DNA. Why do you need love from a man?” she continued to question me.

“I do not need love. I want love.”

“Exactly. You shouldn’t have anything you don’t need. All you need is to reproduce for our kind. Whichever mermaid looks the most like you will be the next queen. This is how our society works. There’s no use in fixing a system that isn’t broken,” Cora argued.

I kept the rest of my thoughts to myself. I was a queen and I knew the system was broken. If I didn’t like the system, it was broken in my eyes. I wanted to fix it. Change was not always a bad thing. Nobody should be forced into a life they did not choose. A system without the choice to love was a system I did not want to be a part of.