Lustful Hearts
Chapter 71: Darkness - P1

The temperature dropped as we snowballed towards Christmas. With just over a week to go I assigned myself the chief decorator role.

My mission was to go all out in making our first Christmas together special.

I'd been a tad overzealous in the decoration department, the flat appeared to look more like Santa's grotto. The amount of glitter on show was almost blinding.

I was pretty sure there wasn't an inch of space I hadn't covered, but it was going to be a Christmas to remember.

Joel's face was priceless, when I turned to see him stood quietly in the doorway. He looked almost stunned by my handiwork. His eyes were alight as they scanned the room, surveying the decorations.

I turned back to finish hanging the last of the baubles. I heard his chuckle as he came up behind me.

He wrapped his strong arms around my waist, pulling me back into him. His nose nuzzled deep into my hair, breathing me in. "I like what you did with the place, but I may have to wear sunglasses indoors now.

I giggled at his remark, though part of me wondered if he was actually joking. "Good, you look even more sexy wearing them." I turned to face him to see his eyes shining with delight as his lips pressed up against mine. "But seriously though, is it too much?"

I was hoping he wouldn't agree. I really didn't want to have to undo the last three hours of decorating. I was just about ready to collapse.

Who knew Christmas could be so exhausting?

He frowned at my words. "No, I love it. I've never really had my own tree or decorations before, so anything is a bonus." He forced a smile, but the sadness of his words reflected in his eyes.

He lightly kissed my forehead, and his lips lingered on my skin like he was using me to console the ache deep inside.

I knew everything would have been different if his mum had still been alive. I despised his dad for being the selfish, emotionless arsehole that truly didn't deserve to have a son like Joel.

We stood with our bodies locked tight together. I could tell he needed a moment. He always drew strength from our connection like it soothed him having me near.

I was too stunned to speak. Something so basic as a Christmas tree and he'd never got to experience that in his own home. It was only now when he accidently let slip small snippets of information, I realised just how cold his childhood had been.

He didn't like to be pressed about his past, but the odd time he brought it up I needed to try to push him, to get him to open up a little.

"Your dad never even put up a tree?" I asked eventually. The thought alone of Christmas without a tree was totally beyond belief. Just when I thought the guy couldn't sink any lower in my estimations, I found a whole other level of reasons to hate him.

"No... Christmas for him involved getting twice as drunk, he never bothered with a tree or presents. My uncle would make the effort and put one up when we would go to stay at his, but our house never changed, it was like Christmas never existed. I've never known any different, well until I started coming to your house. That's when I saw how real families act." He tried to shake it off like it was nothing, like it didn't still affect him, but I could see the pain he kept buried deep inside.

"Well then you're in for a treat as this Christmas is going to be a very special one indeed." I pulled him in closer so we were practically becoming one.

I needed to reassure him those dark days had gone, that he'd never feel alone and unloved again. I wanted to replace the bad memories with good so one day he'd finally be rid of his demons.

He nuzzled deeper into my hair. "It's already special having you here with me, together in our home, I don't need anything else."

My heart skipped a beat at his sweet words, and I let out a soft sigh of contentment. Christmas would be all about Joel this year. I wanted him to have the first of many good memories, he would always cherish "It's going to be amazing," I said in an overly bright voice, masking the sadness filling my heart. I reached over, grabbing the golden star from the table.

It was the final piece of the puzzle. I smiled placing it into his hand. "I want you to do the honors."

His puzzled stare tore at my heart. He stood for a few moments contemplating, his hand grasping the star tightly, looking like a lost child.

It was amazing how something so small could mean something so big. Then again I'd always taken things like this for granted.

Joel had missed out on basic family traditions and was only now getting to experience them for the first time. I had to take it slow so he absorbed and enjoyed each and every moment.

When the star was finally sitting pride of place on top, we both stood back admiring it, knowing the sentiment and true meaning the tree held.

Breaking away from Joel, my finger hovered over the switch. "Are we ready for the lights... three . . . two. . . one." I watched Joel's face break out into the biggest almighty smile ever.

He watched in amazement as the tree came to life, his eyes transfixed on the twinkling dancing lights. He was too caught up in the moment to notice me approach.

I enveloped him into a tight hug as he rested his chin lightly against my head. We watched the lights together, marvelling as they danced along in front of us, the rhythm becoming slowly hypnotising. We stood in silence, staring in wonder at our first ever Christmas tree together.

His arms tightened around me, and in truth, I never wanted him to let go. I had already got my Christmas wish early, Joel was the greatest gift I could have ever received. I gave thanks each day we shared together.

I woke with a heavy heart hearing Joel's gentle, soft breaths beside me. I pushed myself slowly around to face him, my eyes studying every feature of his fine face.

I sighed with despair, at the thought of not being able to look at him again for the next five days. The thought was hard enough to handle, yet alone him actually leave.

Joel had broken the devastating news about his trip to see his uncle a week ago. At first I hadn't been too opposed, but then he dropped the bombshell that his dad was going too.

His dad would stay on for over a month, while Joel would come home to spend Christmas with me. I didn't like the idea of him spending a minute longer with that monster. I wanted to protect him from that kind of evil.

A wave of sickness ran through me the moment he had uttered those words he was leaving. I just couldn't shake the feeling something bad was about to happen.

The same darkness remained with me throughout the week. I was scared that all the good memories we had built together could be wiped out within one conversation. His dad knew how to work him, to get under his skin, to make him feel less than worthless.

I despised him with every bone in my body and would fight tooth and nail to keep him away from a guy that had caused so much heartache. But Joel had given me no option despite my many desperate attempts to change his mind.

In the end I had to literally bite my tongue to keep the peace, there was no reasoning with him and so I just gave up.

Joel stirred beside me, and my fingers instantly itched to touch him. I wanted to trace his fine, delicate features to commit them to memory.

My eyes observed every small movement he made, but I couldn't wait a moment longer. I needed him right now. Before his eyes were even open, I pressed my lips against his feeling the usual tingles fill my body.

I closed my eyes letting the sensation takeover.

I needed for him to know how I felt, for this to be fresh in his mind, for him to have no doubt how much I loved him.

"That's a nice wake up call. I'm going to miss that over the next few days," he said with a lazy smile. His voice was all croaky, and his sleepy eyes bore the same crinkles in the corner I truly loved.

I brushed my face up against his stubble, closing my eyes to try to hide the tears. The sound of his voice was enough to make me lose all self-control, I couldn't hold back no matter how much I willed it.

He instantly frowned and a look of concern filled his eyes. "Hey, what's wrong... why are you crying?" The pain in his voice was evident, he hated seeing me upset but I couldn't help it, my darkest fears were taking over and I was losing all control.