Promises Forgotten
Chapter 21

People pushed me around as I walked down the street. Quite a few of them turned to cuss me out, but I didn’t hear them. The tears kept falling and I couldn’t stop them. The numbness had seeped in and felt like it’s restricting my breathing. I didn’t even know where I was walking anymore. I just started to walk as soon as I made it out of the office building, and I couldn’t stop. I feared if I stopped then I would break. I hit a street corner and I looked around. The street to my right was closed down for a street faire and I turned to walk down the middle of the road with the stream of people.

There were vendors and stalls selling food and goods. There were also games and kids activities. I wondered with all the kids running around if school was out, but it was after 4 p.m. and so I figured everyone was just off school for the day. Looking around, I stopped at a couple of the stalls and picked out two gifts for Elliot. I thanked the vendor and walked through the crowd. I stopped at a guy who was playing the guitar and listened. He wasn’t bad and I found myself nodding my head along with the song.

After a couple songs, I took out my wallet and came forward to put a twenty in his case.

“You play?”

I looked up and saw he was talking to me. “Used to.” I patted my empty jacket arm. “How did you know?”

He chuckled. “You were doing the fingering of each song on your left.”

Laughing, I nodded. “I mostly played the violin but it’s only a hop, skip and a jump away from guitar. You’re good. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“Do you sing?”

“Only when forced.” I smiled and wanted to step back, but he reached out.

“Mind joining me?” I started to shake my head, but he smiled. “You look like you could use it.”

My head froze and my smile fell. Taking a deep breath, I nodded and stepped behind his case. He moved the mic over and set it up for me. He even pulled out another seat. My eyebrow rose and he smiled.

“That’s the more comfortable one.”

Sitting down, I adjusted the mic as well and looked for his cue. He looked at me and narrowed his eyes as though he was thinking. He started to play after a moment’s pause. I nodded my head and we started to pull a crowd. My fingers tapped on my thigh, and I took a breath. Surprisingly, my voice came out clear as I started to sing. I knew my lung capacity was not what it used to be, but I’ve cried enough lately to at least test the limits.

My eyes closed and I sang in company with his guitar. I could almost smell the hotel room we stayed in. The sun streaming in as I watched Zach play the guitar in his t-shirt and boxers. His voice ringing out and sometimes my laughter at the lyric he chose to throw in when he forgot the actual lyrics. I joined in sometimes but watching him lose himself in his music, the sight silenced me too many times.

My favorite perch on the top of the hotel chair in the tiny little room. Zach kept begging to switch to a different room, but I refused. There were just two of us and it was enough for us to just be in a regular room. We didn’t need some suite with a dining table or kitchen we would never use. It was dumb to throw money away like that. I could see the smile on his face, and when he would open his eyes, his blue eyes met mine and would drown me in the love he showered upon me. I couldn’t help but do the same. Sitting in his button up shirt and my panties, I swayed to his playing and the beats he added in between. Smiling, I loved him. I loved his soul, his heart, his body, his voice, his mind. Everything.

Opening my eyes, the crowd had gotten bigger and I was finishing the song I didn’t even remember singing. Tears were not only falling down my face, but the guitarist next to me and some of the people in the crowd were crying as well. I finished the last note and smiled, wiping my own cheek before reaching over and wiping the guitarist’s cheek next to me.

“Sorry.” I mumbled and he chuckled.

“Don’t apologize. Few people can pull out emotion like that from just about everyone.” He gestured at the crowd, who was now clapping and whistling. They came forward and dropped money into his case.

Getting up, I smiled. “I think that’s all I have in me. Thank you, though. You’re right. I needed that.”

“You’re welcome. Join me anytime.”

Waving, I picked up my bag of gifts and walked back down the street. I dipped down and alley, leaning against the wall, I dissolved into sobs. Dropping to the ground, I pulled out my phone and fumbled with it.

“Hello?”

“Mike.” I couldn’t even say anything else ,and I started to sob.

“Oh, sweetheart. F**k. I knew I should have come with you. Do you need to come and get you? I can.”

I sniffed and leaned my head back against the wall. “No. I’m leaving tomorrow anyways.”

“You gonna make it? You could just jump on a flight today. Not worry about it.”

“And lose my deposit?”

He snorted. “You’re such a f*****g cheapskate.”

I barked out a laugh. “I thought my anger could carry me through. I thought I could just be spiteful and angry and I would be fine.”

“But…?”

“It dissolves immediately after seeing him the first time.”

Mike sighed. “I don’t know what you expected, hun. You can’t hate him. If you can’t hate him, you can’t properly be angry or resentful. You’d already forgiven him before you even heard his reasoning. How the hell did you expect to still be angry?”

“I don’t know! I just thought…I thought he would have a stupid f*****g reason like his dad forced him or something and it would be easy to get mad all over again.”

“And it wasn’t?”

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. “He doesn’t remember, Mike. All our memories. All the moments. He doesn’t remember them. I don’t exist in his mind, in his world. Six months of his memories are gone. Including the month of us.”

“Tell me you’re f*****g joking.”

“I’m not. I’m not and I can’t be mad at someone who doesn’t remember a single moment together. They didn’t even know he was married until they called.”

“Christ.”

I shook my head and sighed. “I don’t want to be here anymore, Mike. It hurts. It hurts so much.”

“Sweetheart…”

“He knows about Elliot. His stare. Mike, it was just painful. He just stared at me and then disappeared. He left and I just…” I bit back another sob.

Mike sighed again. “How the hell did he replace out?”

“He overheard Jacob speaking to me. It was…a whole thing.”

“Have you spoken to him since?”

Clearing my throat, I took a breath trying to calm myself. “No. He didn’t show up to today’s final signing, either.”

“Why the f**k did they make you fly out there if he wasn’t going to f*****g show up to the final thing anyways?”

I chuckled. “He lives here. He can sign it whenever he wants, and it’s all done.”

“You signed them, right?”

“Yeah.”

Mike threw some pans and I winced at the sound coming through the phone. “Sorry. Just go back to the hotel. Go to sleep. Wake up, have breakfast at some diner and then go to the airport. Your cheap a*s can fly home and you will pick up Elliot, I will come over and we can have a movie night.”

“That sounds good.”

“And Ev?”

I hummed.

“Remember you’ve made it three years without his a*s, and you will continue without his a*s. You don’t need him. If anything, looking at his sourpuss face, he needs you. If he doesn’t remember you, that’s on him. You’re not at fault and you never will be. Come home, Ev. We need you here.”

Getting up from my crouch, I brushed off my pants. “Thanks, Mike. I’ll be home soon.”

“No problem. Waiting for you.”

He hung up and I shoved the phone in to my pocket. Taking a deep breath, I walked out amongst the crowd. This time heading in the direction of my hotel. Mike was right. I needed to just focus on going home. My little boy needed me and I had a life I built after the chaos of Greece. A life that he wasn’t a part of.

I wouldn’t go back on my words. I wouldn’t darken his doorstep again. He wouldn’t see me again. My heart couldn’t take it again. Maybe I would ask Mike to marry me. I smiled at the thought. We would be oil and water and always fight, but at least Elliot would have someone to fill that role. I didn’t hate Mike and if he fell in love with someone else, I could easily let him go. I could never love him romantically or love anyone like that ever again. My heart had loved. It had loved to its upmost capacity and I was happy with those moments. Happy with the memories I now had all to myself. I would carry them with me and tell Elliot’s kids of the love I had one spring that was enough to last a lifetime.