Rebellion
⌛Twelfth⌛

I was sure I had motion sickness because almost every morning I wake up having the worst stomach ache and experiencing nausea so bad that I wanted to separate myself from this terrible body. When I told Alara, she just told me to stop eating anything in sight at two in the morning.

It’s not like I was going to listen to her.

The medication is supposed help me control my appetite but that’s not going so great.

My nightmares aren’t as frequent though. I can manage under a bit of pressure, especially with everyone coming near me all the time. The problem with my sexual habits is that now I have habits.

And it definitely isn’t helpful with being around Sirus.

Deciding to stay with him while I feel like rubbing against everything is not good. I haven’t told him anything much about what’s going on with me but I might as well so he knows he doesn’t get a free pass at touching me all the time.

I had more than just that to say to him. In fact, I had a question to ask. And it might be crossing the line because it’s not like either of us discussed this before. But because I planned to see Phoebe in the next couple of days, I need to know something so she doesn’t keep her focus on what I don’t have answers for.

“I have a question.” I said quietly as I bandaged Sirus’ hands.

Like usual, he got himself hurt and won’t see a medical professional like he’s supposed to. I sat on the bed with my legs over his. I kept his arm out so I could see where the wounds and cuts were.

I had this question on my mind for a few days. I was more or less curious about what he was thinking. Well I didn’t have answers myself so maybe he would know.

“What are we?” I asked.

He stared at me for a long moment before opening his mouth. “People.” He answered.

I hit his arm because he wasn’t taking me seriously. And I know he didn’t misunderstand the question either, he was just avoiding it. With that dumb expression on his face, I had half a mind to hit him again.

“That’s not funny, okay. I need to know so I can tell Phoebe something or she’ll harass me legally about it.” I complained as I tightened the bandage around his wrist.

“Who’s Phoebe?”

“My psychiatrist.”

“You’re crazy?”

I really didn’t have the patience to deal with his idiocy right now. I grabbed a pillow behind me on the bed and hit his arm, hoping to make him cringe since he was complaining about the tenderness in his body earlier. Making jokes doesn’t make me feel any better. Today has already been a rough day for me and it’s only noon. The least he could do for me is give me an answer so I can have something to say when I go see Phoebe.

“Why the hell are you so problematic?” I asked, wanting to press this pillow on his face.

He put his arms up to shield his face. “Why do you need to ask me what we are?-”

“It would be better if we came to a mutual agreement-”

“Mutual? Seriously? And since when did you start worrying about other titles other than Commander? Last time I checked, you hated everything else that labeled you.” he said.

It’s true that I only liked titles that would show my superiority. Anything else though, I didn’t bother with. But here Sirus was, throwing that fact in my face because I needed a response.

“It would be great if you just told me.”

“Well damn, Aurora, I have no idea.” he said when I lifted my arms with the pillow in my hands. I was about to go for another swing but Sirus took my wrists and brought my arms down. “Why does it matter anyway? Tell this Phoebe woman to mind her own business.”

“If I want to get better, I have to be able to discuss everything that causes me stress.” I said.

“I cause you stress?” He made it seem like that was absurd.

Sirus used to be my number one source of stress. There were days where I couldn’t sleep because of him. For the first few weeks I got paired with him, he was my worst nightmare. I can’t believe he has the audacity to ask if he causes me stress. Even if it’s not so much now, it’s enough to bother me.

“Fine. Whatever. Label it however you want. I won’t say anything.” He gave up.

“Well...” I didn’t know how to. That’s why I wanted to know what he thought about it. “...What would you say?...” I was still curious.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, thinking about it after nagging him to. “Too into it to be just fuck buddies, not so far enough for me to say I actually like you.” he didn’t look like he was joking either.

I tried to wiggle out of his grip because I had enough of him for the day. He won’t ever answer me seriously, I don’t know why I expected so much of him. There was no reason for me to open my mouth and ask him what he thought. His fingers tightened around my wrist when I tried to push him away.

“I’m kidding.”

Well he wasn’t laughing so I couldn’t tell.

“It’s been five years, Aurora, so I don’t know what to tell you, okay.” he gave up.

“I wonder if she’ll consider just talking about it an answer.” I said quietly to myself as I looked away. “In any case, I shouldn’t have expected more from you, I’m sorry about that-”

“See? That’s the bullshit that makes me want to fight you.”

“And what would you gain out of beating me up? We both know you’ll win so what’s the point, Sirus?” I closed the white box with all the medical supplies in it. “It seems like you have a lot to say about me-”

“Of course I have a lot to say about you.” he cut me off. “You’re constantly putting me in a position where I have to make sure you don’t do dumb shit. Like this whole rebellion situation pisses me off and it’s all your fault.” that was just the start of his rant.

I stared at him, not amused because I’ve heard worse come out of his mouth.

“Tell me more.” I said plainly. It’s not like I was interested anyway.

“I really enjoy sex with you.” He responded.

Was that the first thing that came to mind?

I was about to get out of bed because I didn’t want to hear anything else. I had other things to do, and him telling me about the sexual part doesn’t peek my interest. He had me by the hand though so I didn’t get to go that far away from him.

Does he really have more to say?

“And I guess I’m okay with people that aren’t boring.” he added, not too happy about it.

“So I’m not boring?”

“I just said that, didn’t I?” he asked, letting go of my hand. “That’s another thing. After five fucking years, you still want me to be direct when I don’t want to-”

“How am I supposed to know if you don’t tell me?” I asked, smiling because he was getting angry. Now it’s fun because Sirus barely does anything to me besides the yelling. I think it’s funny to see him frustrated.

“You piss me off.” He finally said. “But...you also don’t piss me off.” he added. I raised an eyebrow, waiting to hear him clarify because I wanted to know what he thought about me.

It’s not every day Sirus opens up about me, like truly tells me what he thinks. Occasionally, he would mention something and I would have to strain my ears to hear him.

“I’m just saying that I’ve gotten used to you and that’s not a bad thing.” he admitted when he really didn’t want to. I liked hearing it so I won’t complain.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I asked him, smiling. He wasn’t in a good mood after confessing to me; one thing about Sirus, he doesn’t confess to anything that often. This was torture for him to let out. Considering everything that’s come out of my mouth for him, the least he could do was this. I’m proud though. He finally did something that doesn’t make me angry. “And as much as you have a lot of things to say about me, I have a ton to say about you.”

“Great.” he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll leave out all the bad parts since it’s the longer list.” I said since I couldn’t help myself. “Sometimes, I wonder if you’ll come see me at work. When I tell you about my problems I like how you make it seem like it’s not a big deal because that means I can fix it. And on some occasions, I think you’re really smart, but that’s because you show a little bit of interest in what I’m doing and actually know what I’m saying when I talk to you.” There was more, a lot more.

I never really realized how much I had to say until I had the chance to say it. I couldn’t stop myself either. I should feel embarrassed but I didn’t.

“I like how you think you have my best interest in mind. You’re the only person I don’t really have to explain myself to. When you argue with me, it makes me think that sometimes I can be wrong, even though I never am.”

“Really?” he had to stop me there.

“I’m not done.” I shoved the pillow on him. “Deep down, I don’t mean to piss you off but then I remember that you’re easily irritated and angered so it’s not technically my fault. You ask me how I’m dealing with my anxiety disorder which means a lot to me because I don’t talk about it much with anyone else.”

I have no idea why this list could go on and on. It’s just that lately, I had a lot to think about and this is one thing that’s on my mind. I actually don’t talk about a lot of stuff to people, so Sirus is my only company. With everyone else, it’s either with the rebellion or work.

“And this last one is not a reason for you to go wild.” I warned him. That’s when he showed a bit of interest. It’s not like I don’t sometimes admit what I’m about to admit, but this is going on my list of things I don’t mind and I need him to not do anything. “But...um...I don’t mind the sex.” I looked away because I know how he wanted me to say it; I just didn’t want to say it the way he wanted me to.

“Hm.”

“But only when you listen to me because you tend to want to do it at the most inconvenient times.” I complained.

He rolled his eyes. “I’ll take that for now.” he planned to settle.

“I don’t like saying-”

He moved too close to me and that’s what made me stop talking. I should be used to Sirus just forcing himself into my personal space but I don’t like when he does it out of nowhere. I didn’t try to lean back or move away from him. Now that he was this close, it didn’t matter.

“You want me?” He asked, his voice low.

I did. In ways that I shouldn’t.

“Y-yes...” I was just slightly nervous which seems to happen more often than not.

He chuckled quietly, amused by my slight stutter. “That’s literally all you had to tell me.” He said.

“I know. I just didn’t want to.” I lied as I put my hands down on the bed while he got closer to me.

Ever since I started taking my medication, I’ve had this heightened sense of wanting to have sex all the time, or lasting much longer than I’m used to. With Sirus close to me now, I was beginning to get all kinds of ideas; I was even contemplating ways to tell him what I want and how I want it. That’s not like me, but right now I couldn’t resist.

I was warned about how I would be affected but I went along with it anyway because I didn’t think the sexual part mattered much.

I was expecting a lot from Sirus now that he actually got me turned on without doing much. And knowing him, he wouldn’t just leave when I’m being willing about it.

“Tell me.” He whispered.

“I want you.”

I did.

And I wouldn’t be able to explain how much it gets to me.

His hand slid in my pants as he got me to lay down in bed. I began to tense up and edge back but Sirus would only close the distance between us. His hand didn’t stop fondling me and I did my best to not fidget around so much as he touched me.

I don’t know how many times Sirus was going to ask me if I wanted him, but every time had me sort of swooning. He has to stop. All this is a distraction. I can’t think clearly while he’s doing this.

It was getting hot with all these clothes on. Sirus wasn’t trying to take it off me. He always does whatever he wants but now I just don’t care. I really don’t care.

My hands moved under his shirt, wanting to take it off him. Apparently, I wasn’t trying hard enough. Sirus kept stroking me. My legs were beginning to tense and shake as I did my best to control myself. If only he wouldn’t tease me so much.

I tried to breathe even as he kissed me. I had to pull away to gasp for air, my moans shaky just as the breath I exhaled.

“Sirus...I can’t...” I wasn’t going to last much longer.

I bit down on my lip as he touched me. He laughed lowly at my plea to just get this over with. Knowing him, he’d let me suffer. My eyes closed when I felt his lips press to my neck.

When he moved, I felt his other hand pressing lightly on my neck. I held on to his wrist so he wouldn’t move his hand away. I could still breathe, I could still hear my voice. It’s just that when he does this, I seem to enjoy it more.

He knew that too.

His fingers tightened on me before I released.

My shoulders were still tense, I was breathing hard, and my heart was beating too fast. For a second, I felt incredible and it’s not like a lot happened.

Sirus was still over me, his hand still in my pants, and I was definitely still interested in doing a little more. I was tired of him taking his time and keeping me down.

I had to do something.

My hands pushed on Sirus’ chest and I got him down in bed so I could get on top of him.

He can do whatever he wants and so can I. There’s nothing that says I can’t keep my hand in his pants either.

“Wow.” He seemed more surprised than he should be. “This is how I know it’s going to be amazing.”

I rolled my eyes.

“This better feel good.” I said, my fingers pressing on his skin as I rubbed him.

“It’ll feel great if you kiss it.” He said, biting his lip.

I am not shocked.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

My other hand pushed my hair to the side so I could see that smug grin on his face. I am really not surprised that he said that. I’m not surprised that I was considering doing it too. What harm could a little more dirty fun do?

But I wasn’t going to because that would be too easy.

“You have to stop being a tease.” He complained.

“I’m sorry.” I apologized half-heartedly.

He’s not much for being teased unless he gains something out of it. This would be about the time where he would push me back down in bed and use up all of his energy to mess with me. Except now, he stayed down and let me touch him. He was looking at me and I knew because I was looking right back at him.

When he does this though, when he keeps his focus on me, it’s hard to stay in control.

So before he could get a different idea, I pushed his shirt up since I wanted it off him. I wanted him to take the pants off as well but I wasn’t going to waste more time. I had to take off my pants too.

We didn’t spend a lot of time with our clothes. Sirus had other plans and me on his lap was part of it.

He has this wild fantasy about me riding him or however he wants to describe it. I know what I like and being in plain view this way is not it. However, he doesn’t touch me as much when I’m up on him.

My hands pressed down on him while I adjusted. I needed a second before I start to move. My thighs were slightly shaking but that’s because there was too much to hold. If I move a little, it probably won’t feel like I’m full. Before I could though, Sirus took my hands and moved them onto my stomach. He wouldn’t let me do anything. That’s what made me uncomfortable.

“Sirus...” I breathed out heavily, feeling a slight shiver go up my spine.

I know what he was doing.

His hands moved to my waist, but I didn’t shift. He kept me down on him so I wouldn’t move my hips. And I kept my hands on my stomach, my fingers slowly tracing my skin where the heat pulsed.

I could feel all of him.

That’s not what I prepared for.

He was rubbing in places that made me squirm. Now my reactions were uncontrollable. It was embarrassing too. He found that one spot that gets to me, that makes me give up everything, that lets him do whatever. My hand moved to my mouth when I noticed my lips curving upwards. I gasped for air against my hand but couldn’t hold that moan that turned into more of a happy sigh.

Sex is not my thing for this exact reason. It’s easy to figure out how I’m feeling.

I know he’s looking too. He only does this to see what I look like, to see if I would say something. Today I wouldn’t. I just needed this urge of mine to go away. The longer it stayed, the more I wanted to stay on top of Sirus.

This was definitely going to be a long afternoon.

My face stayed pressed on to the pillow. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired before in the past week. And for the first time, Sirus looked like he was going to call it a night, too; usually he complains about doing more or just the little stuff that doesn’t take energy, but I looked at him now and it was like he was about to fall asleep. Before me.

“I’m actually not shocked you didn’t tell me you were seeing a psychiatrist.” He said, out of nowhere.

I don’t know if I expected him to be shocked or not. He opened his eyes and looked up, clearly still thinking about it.

“And why is that?” I asked since now I was curious.

“You always have this thought that you’re perfect or something.”

He’s never been so wrong in his life. Maybe years ago, I would agree. But now I’ve had time to settle in this horrible reality and know that I’m definitely not perfect.

I had to clear up his misconception about me. I just didn’t know how. He could be thinking a number of things about me. When he looked at me, I just shrugged. What does he want me to do?

“I’m not crazy.” I said.

“Yeah, you are.” He was quick to respond to that.

He looked at me, waiting to see if I would have something to say back to him. I didn’t. He thinks I’m crazy. Sirus will always think I’m crazy even though I’m not. By the look on his face though, it just looked like he was saying that to provoke me or something like that.

“So, are you mad at me for keeping the secret?” I asked.

“It’s your life. I don’t care.” He glanced up to the ceiling. “It was sudden how you casually brought it up.”

“Right, I forgot how you hate that.” I said sarcastically.

“So you talk about me?” He asked, smiling. I think he believes that I say good things about him when I actually don’t. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.

“I have to address all the things that cause me stress.” I explained.

“That’s not me though.” He looked at me again. “If anything, you cause me stress. A lot of it.”

“I talk about that too. But that’s on the assumption that I cause you stress.” I commented. He rolled his eyes.

The only way I know I’m bothering him is when he yells at me. That’s it. If he’s not yelling, he’s either not caring or ignoring me.

When he looked at me again, I made a face. There’s nothing I could do about how he feels. It’s his problem.

“Asking me what we are was a bad move.” He said.

I didn’t think of it like that. I wonder why he would. If anything, I wouldn’t. So what’s his problem? I know Sirus has issues coming clean about personal things, and I would never actually force him to talk. But that question involved me too and I had to know for my sake.

“I realized that I have no idea.” He admitted.

“It’s not like I know either.” I told him, not as reassurance but because I really didn’t have an idea.

Is it weird?

Does Sirus think it’s weird?

I moved the blanket and sat up. As the sleeves to the shirt I wore moved down to my wrists, I lifted my hand in my hair to push my bangs back out of my face.

“What’s really funny is that you’re talking to me about it.” I pointed out. “Don’t get me wrong, I actually like the fact that you’re saying something, but it’s not like you.”

“Just curious.” He shrugged.

“Right.” I didn’t believe him. “You just suddenly happened to grow up and mature enough to have a decent conversation with me.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. I could tell I put him in a bad mood now. He barely moved but I know in his mind he was playing out multiple scenarios about how to deal with me. I stared down at him, watching his expression change slowly until finally it looked like he might actually do something to me.

And when I knew he was about to snap, I smiled.

“You piss me off.” He turned over. I leaned over him, my hands touching his skin, my face feeling his unruly hair.

“I thought I didn’t.”

“I’m never saying anything again.” He wasn’t happy anymore.

“Oh come on, I was just doing it to get you upset.” I said. He didn’t respond. I looked at his face but he was pretending to sleep like I wasn’t about to sit on him. “If it makes you feel any better, I really appreciate it that you told me what you were thinking.”

“Hm.”

It doesn’t make him feel any better.

“I’m still horny...?” Does that work? I tried but he didn’t even bat an eye lash.

For a second, I was convinced that Sirus was going to ignore the idea of having sex. Although, this was only a ploy to get him to actually look at me. It didn’t take long for him to weigh his options. He did choose sex, like I know he would. He turned over and pushed me down on the bed so he could really get right to it.

I should’ve never believed for a second that he planned to call it a night. Sirus has much more stamina than I do even while I’m on this stupid medication. I wasn’t going anywhere for the night. Luckily for him, I was okay with staying.

I’ve been working on my project for almost two weeks now and I’m extremely ready for it to work properly, however it does not want to work no matter how hard I try. It does annoy me that the hologram continues to shatter when I try to fix different settings.

Today, Lunar decided to come see me while I was at work.

I think I’m the one that sets a bad example.

They’re supposed to be doing their jobs. Instead, they are coming to see me more often than not. And here I am not doing my own job. I need to set a better example.

I didn’t say anything because she was being quiet and respectful, ignoring the fact that she was actually in my personal space. She was sitting in a chair next to me, but had her legs pulled up over mine. Her arm was around my shoulders too, and she was one flick away from pulling out my hair tie.

If she wanted to get close, that’s fine. I decided to use her free arm to test out my project. I had a small black band around her thumb, and a bigger one around her arm. The one for her arm was a bit big but it’s not meant for her.

“Who are you making this for?” she asked, extremely curious as she looked at the bands. “You’re putting in a lot of effort for this, aren’t you?”

“It’s a gift.”

“A surprise?”

“If you keep your mouth shut about it, it will be.” I told her as I moved my fingers over her thumb, pressing the start up button so the hologram would lift up.

“This looks fancy.” she moved her arm and the projection moved with it. “Look at all these settings, too. Whoever is getting this must be special.” she looked at me, already knowing where this gift is going. “A certain someone’s birthday is coming up.” she nudged me.

“Mine?”

“Yours, too.” she smiled. “I saw your gift, and you’re going to flip the fuck out.”

“That won’t happen.” I adjusted the arm band on her arm, tightening it so the projection would stay still. When I pressed a setting on the hologram, the contacts she wore turned bright blue. “Does it work?”

“Just fine.”

“It’s taking me a lot longer to finish this so I might be a little late.” I sighed.

I’m not much for birthdays and gift giving but I thought of this idea and really had to go for it. And by now, I would feel better if I gave something extravagant. By the look on Lunar’s face, I can expect something just as wild.

“Could you make me one?” she asked, curious and greedy.

“I don’t have the resources for that.”

“But you always have just enough for-”

“Here’s the thing.” I looked up at her. “If I give you something, then everyone else will ask me. So I would advise that you will accept that I won’t always give you something.” I explained for her to understand.

She shook her head, making a face, and running her hand through her hair. That’s when I noticed her roots were white.

“White hair?”

“I guess the gene finally expressed itself.” she sighed.

It’s tiring isn’t it?

I actually expected it to happen for her. Lunar is more cunning than she would let people believe. She’s the quiet monster no one ever hears coming. She comes off as friendly and outgoing but she isn’t like that at all. Everyone’s just pawns to her and she will use them the best way she knows how. She’s ruthless and blood thirsty; there was a point where I had to put distance between us.

But she’s incredibly smart and she’s the one that deserves all the credit.

“I didn’t want to tell you this but I sort of implemented a few modifications for our devices. So if you check later today or tomorrow, you might see an additional two hundred people added-”

“Why?” I asked her. “Why would you do this?”

“Considering the large increase in people currently stranded, I thought why not fucking go with it.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath because I really needed to settle my emotions for this situation. There’s nothing that hurt worse than knowing I am responsible for another sector. Knowing Lunar, she will add others. What’s with them always thinking they can help without talking to me first? Did they even tell Haroldo or Libra about it because the two of them would’ve told me.

Well, they would only tell me after it happened. It was their idea to add ten sectors like it’s that big a deal.

I opened my eyes slowly after I finally calmed down. I just needed to get myself together and to handle my situation.

“You know we need to expand just as much as the rebellion does.” She told me, and I did know that but I didn’t want anyone to choose between forces. “Surprisingly, my sector was very cooperative.” She shrugged.

“Do we really need more people?” I asked seriously. “I know you’re the one out there seeing what’s going on but is it really that bad?” I didn’t think it would be so terrible.

And deep down I knew that it was bad, that it was so bad that there was a chance the only way for me to succeed in helping is if I have an army to back me up.

I looked at Lunar, hoping she would reassure me or tell me it would be fine but she physically won’t lie to me about it.

“We need help.” She said.

I can’t believe it’s getting worse. I want to be the one to contain it but we won’t be able to get to everyone just to put a stop to it. It’s not like I could send a mass message either. For right now, it’s just going to keep growing while I struggle to get the numbers I need to help.

The stress was making me feel like I was drowning. I stopped working for a moment to try and breathe but it was so difficult. I closed my eyes and told myself that it would be fine, that there’s no reason to actually panic yet. And when that sunk in, my body was able to understand that I don’t need to freak out.

I could breathe again.

I could go back to working on my project.

“On a completely different note though.” Lunar said slowly, just about to change the subject. “I’m still hoping for new uniforms. I’m tired of the slacks and long sleeve shirts.”

“But why tell me?”

“Because we fucking asked you for a year and you just left without doing anything.” She complained.

Uniforms weren’t under my control.

“Libra always wears this black dress with tights and it looks so bad ass. I want her dresses, and I want to be able to hide my weapons while wearing them.” She was hoping.

“Talk to whoever’s running that.” I suggested.

“They’re just gonna tell me that it takes too much resource to make new uniforms with the armor.”

Well of course that would waste resources. It takes so much energy to force the computerized armor into normal fabric. Not everything is going to be made out of random things since synthetic fibers still exists. Other synthetic fabrics are just as difficult to make armor with so the Department of Defense chose the easier pieces of clothing that would maximize safety and minimize depletion of resources.

However, everyone wants new uniforms.

And it’s not my problem.

“If you and Alya give me one of your dresses, I’ll do it for you, but that’s it. No one else.” I told her seriously because this has to be a secret for the time being.

“You’re so good to us.”

“Really? I didn’t know.” I said sarcastically as I adjusted the settings for the second time on my project program.

“We all can’t wait for you to come back.” And by all, I know she means the majority of people. I still will never understand why. “If I didn’t already know Janus is trying to fuck up everything, I would say he’s okay as Commander, not the greatest.” She shrugged.

“Have you even considered complaining to Iris?”

“We’ve complained everywhere, but they just think the Department is bitter about losing you.” She said. “And we are.” She added so I wouldn’t misunderstand.

“It’s been a year, Lunar. I’m not going to go back when I’m okay here.” I said quietly, though it was sort of a lie.

I was suffering. Not at my job specifically but because of the rebellion. I don’t even spend my time working that much anymore, it’s more to do things for everyone else to help them with the rebellion. My health is terrible, I’m on medication to try and fix it but it only does a little of what I’m expecting, I’m just about to crack.

I’m miserable.

And now I tell people. I tell them that I have a panic disorder, that I’m trying to deal with my PTSD, that I’ve been this way for a while. It’s just that I’m not getting that much better no matter how much I seem to try.

Lunar probably knows. It’s not like I was expecting Alya to keep it a secret from the rest of them. It’s good because I don’t have to explain myself.

“You know, when most of us saw you for the first time, we all thought you were edgy as fuck and all badass and whatnot.” She said and it made me laugh. “But then we actually met you and you were way too nice that we thought maybe this wasn’t the job for you.” She said but there was more. “Then we actually got to know you, and we realized that you’re passive aggressive as fuck. Like you really have to admit how discreet your desire to be the best is.”

“Well I never wanted to tell anyone to their face that I was going to beat them at whatever they thought they were good at.” I explained.

“And you’re incredibly hot blooded.” She added, smiling. “I remember hearing all the nasty rumors going around, and you would constantly look like you would kill someone when they spoke too loud about you.”

“Considering how they were undermining my authority, I was probably going to look angry.” I said as I took off the arm band from her arm.

“I thought it was funny.”

I guess it was.

I’d like to think that part of me is still around. However, if I stress too much about if I’ll come out on top, it’ll just add to my overall stress, which will one day kill me. So I suppress the behavior as much as I can. But I’ve been called petty a lot because of how I deal with situations. It’s not like I’m going to sit back and take whatever anyone wants to give to me.

“Come back.” Lunar said, tugging on my sleeve. “With everything that’s happening, we need an actual leader on top.”

With everyone coming to me about it, it’s starting to make me feel like I should come back. But I’ve made my decision and I still don’t plan to continue suffering with the stress. I look at Lunar’s face though and I can’t tell her no. It would actually make her sad and I can’t do that to her no matter how hard I try.

I don’t want to disappoint anyone. This is where more of my stress comes from.

“Lunar-”

“Sleep on it. Talk to me about it tomorrow.” She said and got her legs off me so she could stand up. “I’ll bring in a dress, too.”

“As long as you don’t talk about what you saw here.”

“Alright.” She waved as she walked out.

One more sector was added to the list. I might hold off on looking at the data later just because I think I might have a heart attack when I see how many people I may be linked to. Thank goodness that link is no longer visible. Janus will destroy me once he figures out some of his sectors are disloyal.

That just puts more responsibility on me.