Red Hot Love: The Morningstar Series: Book 5
Red Hot Love – Chapter 12

This summer f*****g sucks. The day after I woke up we went to Hell to visit my grandfather. All of my younger siblings came with us. I wish that I could have stayed home with the others.

I spent the few weeks leading up to my birthday, just trying to hold myself together. I called Ozzy every single day. Sometimes I would call Olive too. Netiher of them ever answered. I texted them too. No answer.

Ever.

Why aren’t they answering me? Don’t they miss me? I could understand Olive wanting to ignore me I guess. She didn’t want me in the first place. But Ozzy… I thought that he wanted me. At least a little bit. He gave me the impression that night that he wanted to give this a try. There was also the text from him telling me he was sorry.

So why doesn’t he answer me?

When my birthday rolled around, we had went back to Earth. Apparently, Tia found her damn mate while we were gone. That was a whole f*****g s**t storm. Max really f****d up with us. But it was very nice seeing a new side of Tia. I was happy for her. Even if I was also bitter.

I waited outside the front of the school all day that day. I even had flowers for my mates. Ares joked that they were supposed to bring me gifts, but I didn’t care. I wanted to show them how much I missed them. I had a nice quiet picnic planned that Belle had helped me out with.

Minutes turned into hours though. Eventually it got dark. Before I knew it my birthday was over with. My mates never showed up. They never called, or texted. I tried to reach out all day that day. Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Mom drug me back to Hell with them. She was determinded to finish our vacation. My dad’s brothers tried to cheer me up. They couldn’t. No one could. Especially not anyone mated.

Ezra never surfaced either. He just disapeared. Left me. I don’t blame him. I don’t want to be me either. Mom thinks that it’s something to do with the pain of being so far away from my mates. Does it really matter at this point?

I didn’t leave my bed for two weeks. No matter who came, or how many times I was threatened, I never got up. I didn’t eat, or feed. All I did was sleep, and even that was hard to do. My dreams were filled with my fears.

All I would see were Olive and Ozzy leaving me over and over and over. They would reject me, tell me that they hate me, laugh at my pain.. It’s too much. Everything is too much, and not enough without them.

Do they feel the way I feel? Do they miss me? Do they even think about me?

Knocking at my door pulled me from my thoughts. I am going on week three of not leaving my room. I can feel that not feeding has gotten to me. Not in a ‘I’m going to attack the first person I see’ way. More of a ‘I’m slowly dying, and not able to move at all’ way. I even ignored the knocking as it continued. If it isn’t my mates, I don’t want to see them.

“Stop thinking that way.” Kee said as she walked into my room. I didn’t respond. “You need to feed.” Kee told me.

She walked into my room, and over to my bed. Kee has a b***d bag in her hand. Not even the smell of it has me wanting to get up. Still, she put the tube to the bag up to my lips.

I turned my head away from her, and she sighed.

“You have to feed Azai.” She told me.

“I’d rather die.” I replied.

My voice sounds scratchy. Probably because I haven’t ingested anything in weeks. If I were a human, or even a normal supernatural I would have died by now. It’s unfair. Death would be a f*****g blessing to me right now.

Would my mates feel the same? Would they be happier if I was dead? They would be free from me. They would never have to think of me again.

“Don’t say that.” Kee scolded me. “Dum spiro spero, dum spero amo, dum amo vivo, right?”

I looked up at my little sister.

“That phrase doesn’t matter now. And why not anyways? It’s not like I acutally can kill myself, and what about it. I don’t want to breathe or hope without them.”

Kee’s glowing eyes bore into me. She’s the only one that doesn’t look at me with pity. I hate the pity. I know that no one knows what to do to help me, but their lame attempts to act like things are normal is stupid. Nothing is normal right now. Nothing is okay.

“Stop being a little baby.” Kee said surprising me. “They didn’t reject you, they just.. need time.” She said as she shoved the tube to my lips again.

I just blinked at her. “Maybe they don’t know how to reject someone.” I said.

Kee shook her head. “They do.”

“How would you know?” I asked.

Kee smiled. “Sit up and drink this whole thing, and then I’ll tell you.” She said.

I sighed, but did as she said. The moment the b***d touched my lips, I scarffed it down. Should have known that was going to happen.

“Tell me.” I said as I tossed the empty plastic bag to her.

Kee pulled out another b***d bag from behind her back. She held it up for me with a smile. I frowned at her, but took it anyways. Once I started drinking, my sister finally started talking.

“I ran into them before they left. Alison was leaving with them. I was the first unlucky sibling that Tia found to help with her bags. She told me that she was still afraid that her mate would reject her. Alison told me about how she told them how to reject a mate.” Kee told me.

“Then I saw them before they left. I knew they were your mates. I could still smell you all over them. Their minds were… well… clouded.” She told me.

“Clouded?” I asked.

Kee sighed.

“Look Azai, I don’t like spilling other peoples thoughts. It’s not fair to them that I can hear them, but.. Ozzy felt really guilty about leaving you. Olive’s thoughts were running so fast it was hard to keep up. She was on the verge of a break down. Olive had thoughts about rejecting you, but she quickly pushed them away.” Kee said.

“I don’t think it is in a Fury’s nature to reject their mate. For some reason she thought that if she could just get away from you, things would go back to normal for them. She didn’t want to reject you, whether she admits that to herserlf or not, and Ozzy was desperately hoping that she wouldn’t.” She told me.

I nodded. “Do you think that’s why they never reply to my texts or calls? Because they think things will just go back to normal, without rejecting me?” I asked her.

Kee shrugged. “Probably.”

“I don’t know if I should feel hopeful or not, but I’m leaning more towards not.” I admitted softly.

Kee gave me a small smile. She moved on my bed to sit up next to me. Kee wrapped her arm around mine, and leaned her head on my shoulder. I put my head on top of hers.

“I wish I knew what to tell you.” My little sister admitted.

“Maybe we should go with Ares plan, and just kidnap them. We can bring them here. You know Grandpa would help us hide them. Eventually they’ll give in to the bond.” She offered.

I smiled, and patted her hand.

“Thank you Kee, but.. I want them to want me because they do, not because I forced it on them.” I told her.

Kee sighed. “You’re a better person than me.” She said.

“You would kidnap your mate?” I asked her with a laugh.

Kee shook her head. “Oh no.” She laughed. “I’d kill them.” I froze. “I’m just kidding Azai.” She said with a laugh.

I nodded. “Sure you are. You would be the one to kill your mate. I could see it now. Poor fucker better be strong.” I teased.

Kee gave me a small laugh.

“I doubt I have a mate.” She told me.

I shook my head. “You do.” I told her.

“Only the deserving have mates. I’m the Derranged. Permanently labled undeserving.” She said.

I sighed. “That isn’t true.” I said angrily.

Kee shrugged. “I don’t care honestly. I’m a huge mess myself. I don’t need to drag some poor mate into the mix.”

“What if they could help you?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “No one can help me.”

I looked down at her.

“Kee, what happened to you? People talk, there are all kinds of rumors going around, but you never talk about it. Why don’t you set them straight? I know things didn’t happen how they say.” I asked.

Kee didn’t look at me, she just stared at the wall in front of us.

“What they say is true. I killed all of those people. And I don’t regret a thing.” She told me.

I frowned. “You are not being honest.” I accused.

Kee finally looked up at me. Her glowing green eyes seemed to bore into my soul. There is so much held in them, so much that I wish I understood. I know that Kee has been through a lot. She is not evil the way they say she is.

“I am being honest.” She stated.

I sighed. “Fine, don’t tell me.” I said.

Kee snuggled up to me more. We were quiet for a while. My thoughts drifted back to my mates. I miss them so much.

“Your soul is in so much pain.” Kee said breaking our silence. “It makes me want to act out.” She told me.

I chuckled at her. “It’ll be okay Kee. School starts soon, and then I’ll see them, and be able to fix all of this.” I said.

“Yeah, I guess.” She said. “I, for one, am not excited for another year of school.”

“You’re going to be a junior this year though. And just think about how exciting that’ll be with your little group of trouble makers.” I said.

Kee chuckled. “I guess you’re right.” She said. “Azai, Mom is really worried about you. I think you should come out of your room, have dinner with us, show Mom that you aren’t dead.” She suggested gently.

I blew out a breath. “Fine.” I said.

Kee and I made our way to the dining room. Everyone is here. My parents, siblings, Grandpa, my uncles, and their mates and kids. As soon as we entered all eyes snapped up to us. All faces fell into smiles. They all told me that they missed me, and were happy to see me out of my room. I tried to return their smiles, and joy.

When did being happy become so hard?

Our meal was going wonderfully. Everyone was making conversation around me. I tried to eat, but everything tasted like sawdust in my mouth. I ended up just pushing food around on my plate.

After a half an hour I couldn’t do it. It was like I felt drained. Like pretending to be okay was too much. I excused myself, and went back to my bedroom. All I have to do is get through summer. Then I will have my mates. I can do this.

It’ll be fine.

*********************************************

It was not fine.

Everything was not fine. It’s the first day of school, and my mates never showed up. I missed my first two hours just waiting outside for them. They didn’t show up over the weekend like the rest of the students. I should have known then that they weren’t coming. Still, I held out hope. Now all of that hope is gone.

“Azai? Why aren’t you in class?” Tia asked as she walked up to me.

I looked down in my hands. This time instead of flowers, I made them each a card. I wasn’t sure if they would want to talk to me right away, so I designed these cards. Drawing was a sort of hobby of mine. Bexley is way better though, she helped me with it. Inside I poured my heart out to them. Practically begging them to give me a chance.

I feel so stupid.

“Azai?” Tia asked again.

“They aren’t coming.” I said softly.

“What?” Tia asked.

I took a deep breath, and turned to my sister. Tia’s eyes are swirling with blues and teals. I wish something cool like that would have happened to me when I met my mates. I’m starting to feel like it was all in my head, that they don’t even exist.

“They never showed up.” I told her.

Tia sighed. Mom and Dad are gone right now. They’ve been looking for more Gods like Max. Tia is in charge of us all, along with Miriam. I think with the start of school going on, that she totally forgot I even had mates.

“I reached out to their parents this morning since they didn’t show up over the weekend.” Tia told me.

“You did?” I asked. “What did they say?”

Tia’s eyes spotted with flecks of dark grey. Oh no. That’s never good.

“They aren’t going to be attending this school Azai.” She told me.

It felt like someone just stole the ground from beneath me.

“W-what?” I breathed out.

Tia shook her head.

“Apparently Olive and Ozzy refuse to leave their home. That was the only explaination I got.” She said. “I’m so sorry Azai. I… I wish that I could do something, that I could force them to come here.” She told me.

I looked down at the homemade cards in my hand.

“They really hate me that much huh?” I asked, but I wasn’t really expecting an answer.

“I don’t think they hate you Azai, I think they are just co-“

“Confused. Yeah, I know.” I said.

Everyone always said the same thing. This is too much for them. Give them some time. They’re just confused, and need space. You’ll see them soon.

Now it’s different. Before I, at least, had hope that I would see them again. But they didn’t show up. They don’t want me. At all. They don’t even want to try to be with me. Is this what I have to look forward to for the rest of entirnity? Do I have to live with this hollowness forever?

“Why don’t you just go home for the day. You can start classes tomorrow.” Tia offered.

I was too numb to do anything but nod. Tia walked me home. I was honestly thankful. It feels like I’m on autopilot. I barely registered it when Tia helped me to my room, and into my bed. She even took my shoes off for me. Is this what the rest of my life will be? Will I have to depend on my family to take care of me?

f**k that. I’ll run away, and live in a cave before I let them take care of me. They don’t deserve that. I can’t do that to them.

“I know that I don’t know your situation fully.” Tia told me. “But I did go through my own pain with my own mate. I have faith that things will work out for you Azai. Keep your head up. You still have time, they didn’t reject you.” She told me.

I only nodded to her.

Everyone keeps saying that too. At least they didn’t reject you. Part of me almost wishes they would of. At least I wouldn’t be living with this pain. I’d have a chance to get over it. Instead, I’m left in limbo, always thinking about them. Always wanting them.

Are they happy? Do they think of me? Are they loving each other right now? Is Olive’s hair still as silky as I remember? Do Ozzy’s light blue eyes still sparkle when he’s curious?

“I’ll come check on you later.” Tia said, and then left my room.

I rolled over in my bed, and pulled out my phone. Going to my texts I scrolled through the messages I sent my mates all summer. I’ve texted both of them almost every single day since I last saw them. My calls have been worse. Neither of them replied.

Anger shot through me, and brought tears to my eyes. I sat up, and leaned against my wall. How could they do this to me? All I wanted was to love them. Am I really that bad? Is having two mates really that scary to them? Don’t they care about me at all? Even a little bit?

Tears started to stream down my face, and my anger only grew. I pulled up Olive’s contact, and pushed the call button. Usually, I was calling Ozzy because I knew it was Olive that needed more space. But if she isn’t going to care about what I need, why should I care about her space?

Of course the line went to voicemail.

“Hey this is Olive, leave a message.”

The line beeped.

I sighed.

“I just want to know why you hate me so much. I at least deserve that. I deserve a damn response. Something. Anything.” My voice is coming out desperate.

“Why? Why am I not good enough for you Olive? We should all be happy to be mated to each other. If you don’t want me, the least you can do is tell me. Talk to me. Anything.” My voice cracked.

I hung up.

This is all so pointless. They don’t care. Of course they don’t. I’m just a stupid filthy tribrid. Nothing but Morningstar scum.