Silent Desires (Shattered Silence Duet Book 1)
Silent Desires: Chapter 10

Being Friday, most kids probably look forward to the weekend, but not me. It means over forty-eight hours locked in that stupid basement, bored out of my mind. Worse, I won’t get to see my new friends for several days, which is almost harder to bear than the confinement.

Even though I can’t talk to them, something about being around them makes me feel comfortable. For the first time in my life, I actually look forward to seeing someone—or, rather, someones.

My morning routine goes as usual. I even have time to wash my hair in the sink again, although it causes a lot of pain in my arm and stomach. After towel-drying it as much as I can, I braid it into two braids before leaving the bathroom, aiming to give my mother no ammunition this morning. There hasn’t been an incident since the belt lashing on Wednesday, and I’m optimistic that at least that wound is healing well.

The same can’t be said for my arm. It still looks red and swollen this morning, and the hole seems bigger. I clean away all the pus I can, rinse the gauze, and carefully re-wrap it as the pain radiates down my arm. At least with the weekend coming up, I won’t have to worry about carrying my bag, getting jostled by another student, or the toll gym class takes on it.

I quietly exit the bathroom, hoping for a quiet escape, but come up short when I see my mother waiting for me with her arms folded and a scowl on her face. I freeze, mentally going over everything. My hair is braided, I’m on time, and wearing my school uniform. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, but as her assessing eyes roam over me, I can’t help but feel nervous.

“Just because you look like that doesn’t mean I can’t see the evil that’s still inside you,” she says angrily, making me tense. When she spoke like this, it often meant I was in for a lot of pain. I stay frozen in place, hoping I don’t anger her more. I’m not sure why she thought I was possessed by a demon. It made no sense to me.

I watch as she closes her eyes and shakes her head, taking a deep breath before dropping her arms to her sides. “You can go, don’t be late,” she mutters as she starts to walk past me. Before I can make a clean getaway, she smacks me over the head, making me internally wince, but I don’t hesitate to move quickly to the front door, relieved at getting away relatively easily. I shove my feet in my giant shoes and head out before she changes her mind.

The walk to school is chilly where the cold air touches my bare legs and seeps through my thin dress shirt, but I keep a brisk pace and arrive early, like yesterday. Looking around the parking lot, I wish I knew where to replace Max, so I don’t have to go to class on my own. I’ll probably have to do it one day, but I’m still nervous of other students. I’m also worried about the twins, knowing I’m not completely averse to learning. Would they tell anyone? They seemed to be on friendly terms with Mr. Hargrove, and I’m sure he’ll tell my mother if he knew the truth. I need to do a better job of hiding myself. I’ve let things go a bit too far and it isn’t helping me lie low under my mother’s radar while I figure out an exit strategy.

What I really need is a way to learn without anyone knowing. The library study room was working out well for that, but the others seemed determined to drag me to class. I’d just have to keep my head down, color, and stop writing down answers.

“Mina!” My head jerks up and I see Max waving as he and Jasper jog over to me with smiles on their faces. Their energy is infectious and I can’t stop myself from smiling back. They stop in front of me and grin down at me.

“How was your night?” Max asks, and I shrug and nod my head once, unsure how to answer. It had been an uneventful night, which was a great one in my books. “You ran off yesterday after school before I could offer you a ride home. Can I give you a lift today?”

Ugg. Why did he have to be so nice… and persistent? I shake my head and bite my lip nervously, hoping he won’t be upset.

“No? Are you sure?” he asks, clearly a bit taken aback. I repeat the motion and he nods in acceptance.

“We still have fifteen minutes before class and it’s cold out here, let’s go to the caf,” Jasper suggests, moving to my right side. Max moves to my other side and we walk silently into the school. My fingers play with the straps of my bag nervously. I’m not sure why they want to hang out with me, but I do like their company. They make everything here less intimidating.

When we get to an empty table in the cafeteria, I gingerly take my bag off, trying not to move my bad arm too much, then set it down on the table. As I sit down, I look up at Max and Jasper’s frowning faces. Why are they looking at me like that?

They stare for a few more seconds before exchanging a glance with one another, then they seem to relax as they join me, Jasper sitting beside me on the bench while Max takes a seat on the table between us.

Jasper rummages through his bag before pulling out a small notepad and a pen. He looks up at me with a question in his eyes before passing them to me. I slowly take them, staring down at them before looking back up at him in confusion.

“They’re so you can write. I know you can’t speak, but I figured this is a way we can communicate.” That is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. My mother certainly never tried to help me communicate with her after I went silent. But I had also just decided I couldn’t show them any more of my secrets.

I really appreciated Jasper’s kind gesture, but I need to tread carefully. Maybe if I keep my responses short, I wouldn’t give too much away, while still being able to build a friendship with the twins. I have a feeling school would be terrible without their help.

I pull the notepad and pen to my chest and give Jasper a tight-lipped smile in thanks. I see his shoulders visibly relax. “So, what are you up to this weekend, Mina?” he asks. I ponder the question as I stare at the notepad. I didn’t even have an answer to give him. I was literally going to be locked up in the basement all weekend. But I wasn’t stupid enough to tell him that.

Looking up at him, I shrug. “Good!” Max pipes up, diverting my attention. “We’re going to have a movie marathon at our house, you should join us.” There is nothing I would love more than to join them, but I would never be allowed to leave the house. If my mother even knew that I had friends, she would go crazy.

Not wanting to offend his kind offer, I flip open the notepad and write: can’t, and turn it to show him. He frowns before asking for clarity. “Can’t, or you don’t want to?” I tap my pen against the word. “You have plans or… you’re not allowed?”

I write: not allowed, and show him. I don’t think I’m giving away anything bad with that. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why a high school girl wasn’t allowed to go to her male friend’s house.

“Are you grounded or something?” Jasper asks. Taking the easy out he’s given me, I nod, making Max snort and my eyebrows raise as in surprise.

“Sorry, Sweetheart. It’s just hard to imagine you doing anything that could get you grounded.” He clearly doesn’t view me the same way my mother does. Something I’m grateful for.

We soon head to class and when Mrs. Pinkins starts with the lesson, I do my best to not participate. I don’t write any answers in my book, and don’t so much as glance at Max’s textbook. I sense him constantly watching me and it takes a great deal of effort not to look at him. My reaction makes me pause. I’ve never wanted to make eye contact with anyone before, it always gave me a sense of dread. But when Max looks at me, it has the opposite effect, it eases me, makes me feel grounded. It’s the same with Jasper and, if I’m being honest with myself, with Mr. Hargrove and Tucker as well. This could all be explained by the fact that I hadn’t met anybody new in a long time, but I didn’t feel the same with any of the other students or teachers. They didn’t all make me feel uneasy, per se, but they didn’t calm me either.

When I get to science class with Jasper, my decision to stay under the radar is a little harder. “Mina?” he asks, grabbing my attention. “Can you pull out your notepad for me?” he whispers while Mr. Yang stands at the front of class giving today’s lesson.

I silently pull it out and place it on the table between us. Jasper slides in front of himself and flips it open to a new page. He glances up to make sure Mr. Yang isn’t watching him, then quickly writes something before passing it back to me.

What’s your favorite color? I glance at him in surprise, but he’s watching our teacher now. Why does he want to know that?

I don’t see any harm in answering, so I write back: green, what’s yours? Then slide it back to him.

I pretend to color and not pay attention, but when I see him writing in my notebook, I bite my lip to hide my smile. Being able to communicate with someone is something I haven’t experienced since I was ten. It’s exciting and gives me the sense that I’m building a real friendship with Jasper.

When he passes the notepad back, I read his response. Green. Favorite food? Favorite movie?

Dammit. Could I remember the name of any movies I watched as a kid? I don’t want to sound like a child and name a cartoon. I wrack my brain, trying to remember, but nothing comes to mind. I could remember parts of movies, but no titles.

Answering him back, I write: burgers and I don’t have a favorite movie. What are yours?

When I pass it back, I see a small frown before he starts writing. When he passes it back, I read his response: lobster, Die Hard. What did you do last night?

Nothing, you? I write back.

I see him press his lips together when he reads my response. It seems like he isn’t happy with my response. But it’s the truth, I got home, went into the basement and literally just laid in bed until I fell asleep.

Homework, video games, watched a movie. Are you new to town?

I considered his question before responding. Was I new? I’ve been here a few months, was that considered new? Should I tell him that? So far, I have been keeping my answers simple and I’m not sure if it’s wise to tell him anymore just yet. Although I’m pretty sure I can trust him, I just wish I knew if he’s reporting back to my mother. Could I just ask him that? He wouldn’t tell me if he was, though, would he?

I glance up at him as I consider what to do and see him watching me, his eyes filled with an intensity I don’t understand. Luckily, I’m saved by the bell before I figure out a way to respond.

We pack up our bags and he takes mine before I can pick it up. Without missing a beat, he grabs my hand and gently leads me out of class and to the cafeteria. I keep my eyes down, but the whispers of other students reach my ears.

“What does he see in her?”

“She must be really easy.”

“The whole shy girl thing is kinda hot, I’d bang her.”

Jasper’s hand tightens on mine as he pulls me a little faster, obviously hearing the students whispering. When we reach the cafeteria, Max is waiting for us at our usual table.

“Hey Jasper, hi Mina.” I give him a little wave as Jasper directs me to a seat between them. “How was science?”

“Good, I found out Mina’s favorite color is green and her favorite food is burgers.”

Max looks at Jasper in surprise. “That’s cool, I like burgers too. What kind of music do you like?” He looks at me expectantly, but I have no clue how to answer. I don’t know any bands or songs. I give him a small shrug, which makes him frown and glance at Jasper. Is it weird to not know what type of music you like?

“How about your favorite tv show?” I twist my lips in discomfort as I stare down at the notebook in front of me. Maybe being able to communicate with them through writing was a bad idea. It just pointed out the differences between us. I don’t know any tv shows, movies, music and, hell, I barely know any variety of food. Plus, I was supposed to act like I didn’t understand the topics being taught in our classes. We literally have nothing in common.

When it becomes clear I’m not going to answer, Jasper and Max start up a conversation between them about today’s menu while I contemplate what to do. There is no way they would want to be friends with me now they see how boring I am. I should just spend the rest of the day in the library on my own. That’s what my mother would prefer, anyway. Besides, if anyone is reporting back to her, my throbbing arm reminds me that I can’t afford any more injuries at this point.

Just as I start to gather the nerve to stand up, a plate of food is set in front of me, making me glance up at Max’s smiling face. “Eat up, Mina,” he says, pointing to the plate of chicken fingers and fries.

My stomach rumbles, making the decision to stay for me. I’m not guaranteed a meal tonight, so it’s best I eat now, while I can. As I nibble away I realize the twins have gone quiet and when I glance at them, I see them preoccupied on their phones. I feel a small sense of relief knowing they aren’t watching me like I’m some strange freak right now.

After lunch they walk me to art class, which I spend swirling paint around on a canvas, with zero artist ability. Max meets me after class to walk me to the gym. Earlier in the week, I thought they were walking me to my classes because they didn’t think I could read my schedule or the class numbers on the wall. But they know I can sort of write now, so I’m not sure why they are still doing it. I don’t mind though, especially when they hold my hand.

I’m a bit surprised when Max takes me to Tucker’s office again, but I’m grateful to stay far away from that locker room. Tucker isn’t in there today, but my gym clothes and shoes are neatly laid out on his desk for me. As I go to grab them, Max gives my hand a small squeeze and stops me.

“Mina?” I look at him in question. He lets go of my hand to pull something out of his pocket. There is a small silver device and a white cable. He holds it out to me, but I furrow my eyebrows. “It’s for you, I had a spare and thought you’d like it. I’ve loaded it with music for you.” Music? I look at it again and gently reach out to pick up the silver device and turn it over. There is a small screen on it and a few buttons. I glance at him and shake my head in confusion.

That makes him scrunch up his eyebrows in confusion. “You don’t want it? Or…” Internally sighing at the communication barrier, I place the device back in his hand and pull my notebook out, writing: what is it?

When he reads it, his eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Oh! It is rather old, sorry about that,” he says with a chuckle, as if it’s his fault that I don’t know what it is. “It’s a mp3 player, for playing music.” I look back down at the tiny thing in consideration. That’s cool, but I couldn’t listen to music in class or even at home, others would hear it.

“These are the headphones,” he says, lifting up the end of the white cable. Oh! I recognize them now, I’ve seen them on tv years ago. Each end goes in my ears and then plugs into the mp3 player. So I can listen to music without anyone else hearing it. Wait, did he say this is for me? He’s lending it to me?

Quickly writing in my notebook, I ask: you’re lending this to me?

He gives me a soft smile as he replies, “no, it’s for you to keep. I have a charging cable here, too.” He reaches into his other pocket and brings out a black cable with a plug on one end. When I don’t move to take any of it, he opens my bag and puts it all in the small front pocket. “There! Now you can listen to music over the weekend and let me know what you like on Monday. We put a variety on there for you, so hopefully something speaks to you.”

We? Did Jasper help do this? Is this because I couldn’t answer his question about my favorite music? But haven’t they been in class since then? When were they able to do this? The fact that he’s given me a gift, not to mention such a thoughtful one, has me flinging my arms around him in a hug before I can even consider my actions. Luckily, he gives a little laugh and his arms immediately wrap around me, returning the hug and I feel his cheek rest against the top of my head for a moment.

I don’t think he will ever know how grateful I am for this gift. The first one I have received in over eleven years.