Silent Desires (Shattered Silence Duet Book 1)
Silent Desires: Chapter 11

Monday morning, I walk to school, feeling excited to see Max and Jasper. Somehow I got away without any interactions with any of my family all weekend. If it wasn’t for the fact that they didn’t let me out of the basement, other than twice a day to use the bathroom, and my arm was throbbing in pain, it would have been almost enjoyable. I listened to every song on the mp3 player and made a list of my favorites, the ones I liked and the ones I didn’t. I was excited to have something to share with the twins.

I couldn’t believe I got away with listening to it all weekend without being caught. I only ever had one earbud in at a time, so I could listen for someone coming down the stairs. And since the mp3 player was so small, it was easy to hide in my pillow case when someone did come down.

Luckily the temperature is a little warmer today so I’m not shivering, but it doesn’t help the pain in my arm. My stomach is hurting less now, but my arm is getting worse. There’s still pus coming out and the whole area is now red.

I spent a good part of the weekend debating if I could ask my new friends to help me get some antibiotics for it. But ultimately, if they knew about the wound, it would bring up more questions than I’m prepared to answer. I just have to hope that my mother gets me medication soon, since I’ve been on my best behavior. But I can’t help but fear she’s probably forgotten all about it.

As I reach the school parking lot, I’m surprised to replace the twins leaning against a truck parked right at the edge, far from the school, but closest to me. When they spot me, their eyes light up as they smile and I can’t stop my own smile from covering my face. When was the last time someone was happy to see me?

“Mina, hey! Did you have a good weekend?” Jasper asks, as he pushes himself off the truck and pulls me in for a hug, surprising me. His arms wrap around me and when one brushes the bottom of my arm wound, I turn my face to his chest so they can’t see me wince in pain. When he lets go, I do my best to school my expression as I turn to Max, who, thankfully, hugs me gently before looking at my face. His hug doesn’t put pressure on my arm, making me sigh against him.

He places a hand on the back of my head as he pulls back from our hug to look down at me. “Hey, you okay, Sweetheart?” I nod my head and watch him search my eyes. I do my best to keep my expression neutral and eventually he gives me a small nod and a tight-lipped smile.

“Let’s go to the caf,” Jasper says. Without saying a word, he reaches forward and pulls my bag off my shoulder, giving me a crooked smile. Max grabs my hand and leads me towards the building. I walk silently between the twins, inwardly smiling that they seem just as happy to see me as I am to see them.

When we get to the cafeteria, I was hoping to show Max my list of songs, but as soon as we sit down, he and Jasper go quiet. They keep glancing at each other, then across the room. I finally turn my head to where they’re looking. At a table in the corner, a male student sits alone, slouched over a novel he’s reading. He has messy brown hair and wears a black hoodie over his school uniform. He frowns into his book as he ignores everyone around him.

When I glance at the twins, they both pretend to not be watching him, but their eyes keep moving in his direction. Flipping my notebook to a new page, I write, who’s he?

Pushing it underneath Max’s nose, I watch as he reads it, then lifts his head in surprise. “Who?” I motion with my head towards the guy they’ve been watching. “Oh, that’s David. Why do you want to know?”

You were watching him.

He frowns as he reads my words, taking longer than necessary before he relaxes his face and looks at me. “He’s only been here a few months, and doesn’t seem to have any friends, I was just curious about him.”

Oh. Oh… Does that mean the twins liked helping out new students? Do they see me the same way they see David, a lonely student who looks dejected and pathetic? Not that David looks pathetic, but I can’t help but think that’s how they view me.

Closing my notebook, I shove it back into my bag, the joy of wanting to share my song list forgotten. I’m not sure how to feel about this. It doesn’t mean they are pretending to be my friends, but it had felt special before. Now I feel more like an… obligation. Didn’t Mr. Hargrove say he would have students walk me to each class? Oh no, were they assigned to me? Did they even want to hang around me? It would explain them always being there to lead from class to class.

I’m such an idiot, why didn’t I see that the first day? Clutching the granola bar that Jasper gave me tightly, that ball of hope in my chest starts to fade. Are we even friends?

Although I can’t help but think about how they have tried to get me to hang out with them outside of school. Was that just something they did because I was new, or did they like me, specifically? They might have been assigned to me, but they were being really nice about it. Trying to communicate with me, giving me the mp3 player as a gift. But it all feels tainted with obligation now.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur. When the twins try to speak to me, I don’t respond with more than a nod or shake of my head. At the end of the day, I make my quick escape again, avoiding the twins who are hanging around the parking lot where we met this morning.

Sighing, I take the long way around, so I’m sure to avoid them. It almost makes me late home, but luckily I get there with a few minutes to spare and am even given a bowl of cold soup and toast.

I spend the evening tossing and turning, unsure of what to think. Am I their friend? Or their obligation? When I can’t take the silence anymore, I pull out my mp3 player and start shuffling through the songs until I finally fall asleep.

The next day, I refrain from answering any of their questions, just shrugging or nodding my head. I don’t know how to act around them anymore. The day passes slowly. Even though I’m always with at least one of the twins, I feel lonely. I don’t know what to say to them, fearing the answer to my burning questions.

My arm throbs more and more each day and I even consider skipping gym class, except I know they would likely call my mother to tell her if I was absent. So instead, after Max leaves me to change, I don’t. Instead, I enter the gym in my school uniform and head straight for the bleachers. When Tucker see’s me he frowns, but thankfully doesn’t come over to speak to me. The students seem to be bombarding him with questions today, and I’m grateful that he doesn’t seem to have a moment’s free time for me. It’s not like I can answer him, anyway. I just have to hope my arm starts to heal soon because right now, I’m not even sure I can lift it.

The next day in science class, I can sense Jasper’s gaze constantly on me, sending a prickle of unease down my spine. As soon as class is over, he shoves my coloring book in my bag without giving me a second to pack up on my own. He shoulders my bag, grabs my hand and leads me from the class. Instead of turning towards the cafeteria, he turns in the opposite direction.

Confused, I glance up at his face and see a determined look there. Am I in trouble? Unease grips me as my breathing becomes labored.

He leads me into the library and straight back to the study room I used last week. When I see Max already inside, with a frustrated expression on his face, I panic. Are they mad at me? My right hand clutches at my chest, craving a need to make sure I’m still breathing.

“Here, take a seat here, Mina,” Jasper says, directing me to an empty chair beside Max. Numbly, I let him move me to the chair as I try to take deep breaths, but almost no air comes in. No, no, no! Not another panic attack! I drop my head and try to breathe as the twins speak quietly around me.

I have no idea what they are saying, as a ringing sound drowns out everything else. Black spots start to dance on the carpet where I’m staring.

“What’s going on?” A new voice startles me enough to make me lift my head. Mr. Hargrove and Tucker had arrived at some point, I didn’t even hear them enter, too lost in my own panic. When Mr. Hargrove makes eye contact with me, his eyes widen in fear and he quickly moves in front of me and drops down on his knees.

He grips my hands tightly in his as he tells me, “just breathe for me, Mina. Follow my breaths. Breath in… That’s it, yes. Now breathe out… Good girl.” I watch the rise and fall of his chest and try to repeat the motion. The black spots fade and I squeeze my eyes shut as I continue to get my breathing under control. Squeezing his hands helps center me, and when I finally think I can breathe normally, I open my eyes.

He gives me a soft smile and nods. “Good girl, you feeling better now?” I nod my head and lick my dry lips. A bottle of water is thrust in front of my face by Jasper, and I reluctantly release Mr. Hargrove’s hands to hold it. I take a few small sips as I lean back and worriedly glance around at the others.

Tucker is leaning against the wall, wearing another green flannel shirt, with his large arms crossed and a worried look on his face. How embarrassing to have a panic attack in front of my teacher! My gaze moves to Max next. He’s sitting beside me, watching me with unease in his eyes. Glancing over at Jasper, who’s seated on my other side, he just frowns at me.

I move my focus back to the man kneeling in front of me. His gaze searches my face, and when he seems to replace what he’s looking for, his shoulders drop a little before he speaks, like he doesn’t want to have this conversation.

I grip the water bottle a little harder and try to focus on my breathing. “Mina, is everything okay with you?” I nod my head on instinct and Jasper sighs.

I glance at him and he frowns at me. “We know you’ve been acting differently the past couple days, but we don’t know why. Have we done something to upset you?” Jasper asks, staring at me with too much intensity. I move my gaze to the floor.

This is why he brought me here? Because I’ve been acting standoffish these past few days? The fact that my guidance counselor and teacher are here make me think my initial thoughts were correct, they had been asked to help get me from class to class and to look out for me. I am an obligation to them. Otherwise, Max and Jasper would be asking me by themselves.

I shake my head and he sighs again. I hear a rustling as he riffles through my bag. “Please, Mina. Don’t lie to me. There is obviously something bothering you, tell us what it is, please?” He holds out my notebook and pen to me with a pleading expression, one I can’t ignore any longer.