What Are The Odds?: A college hockey romance. (Phil-U Book 1)
What Are The Odds?: Chapter 63

Levi

Numb. It was the only way to describe it. I didn’t remember driving to the Athlete’s Centre. Or boarding the bus. Or the drive to the rink. Or the warmup ice time. Or the pregame routine. Or gearing up. Or stepping onto the ice. Or spending five minutes in the sin bin for a major penalty. Or realising we lost in overtime. Or showering after the game. Or the long drive back to campus. Or the shorter drive to Ryker’s place. Yet here I was now. My fists clenched and an inconsumable anger coursing through my veins that could only go away by connecting it with someone else. I hadn’t been here since Halloween. The night Grace and I became official. The first night we slept together. I rested one hand against my car hood, suddenly feeling queasy. The sickness from missing her and the anger from losing her wasn’t mixing well. The front door opened. Ryker slowly walked outside, pulling on a hoodie as he did. He must’ve sensed the anger pouring from me because he stopped on the front steps. A good six feet away. He got straight to the point.

“I didn’t tell her, Holloway.”

“Then who fucking did?”

“Summer.”

“Yeah? How did she know? We agreed to take this to the grave.”

Ryker shifted. “Like you didn’t tell any of your guys.”

One. Will. There’s no way he would’ve told a soul. And I doubt it was something Tripp or Ryan had repeated either. Which meant we circled back to Ryker.

“The leak was on your end.”

“Maybe,” he admitted. “Does it matter?”

“Of course it fucking matters. She left.”

“Left?”

“Flew back home.”

Ryker dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling a whistle. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” I clipped, clenching and unclenching my fists.

It didn’t matter as much to Ryker. I could tell by his reaction. He wasn’t breaking apart inside like I was. His whole world hadn’t come crushing down. Because he hadn’t been in love with her. Maybe he would’ve fallen if he got closer first. But I had. And now I was paying the price.

“Wanna get drunk?” he asked.

I jarred back. “What?”

“It’s either we drink or we fight, and I really don’t want to break anything partway through the season.”

The only slither left in me that could focus on something other than this shit show knew he was right. Without another word I ambled to my car. Ryker followed me, slipping into the passenger seat without saying anything either.

*

Here I was again, back at Lastlings. An uncountable number of beers deep, surrounded by girls from my past, and worlds apart from the one I belonged with. Alcohol could’ve gone two ways. Thankfully it was taking off the edge rather than fuelling my anger. There were so many unanswered questions. How Ryker knew Grace knew. How he knew Summer had told her. And I still wanted to know how Summer had learned of the bet. I might not be taking my anger out on Ryker, but I couldn’t say the same about one of his lackeys.

“I was talking to Grace in the gym when Summer walked past,” Ryker started.

At my flared nostrils, Ryker exhaled.

“Relax, Holloway. I know Grace is your girlfriend. I was literally just talking to her.”

“And?” I prompted.

“Summer made a comment about the bet still going. Grace asked what she was talking about. Summer happily filled her in.”

I dropped my elbows on the table, hands clenched in front of me. I closed my eyes, attempting to block out all the chaos happening in the bar so I could focus on what Ryker was saying. But all I got was the spins. I was too drunk.

“When Grace looked at me, I froze,” he went on. “I guess that was confirmation enough.” Ryker cocked an eyebrow. “She really left?”

“Yep. Suitcase and all.”

Ryker shook his head, staring at the TV in front of us. “I’m sorry, man. We were idiots.”

“Fucking idiots,” I agreed.

My thoughts were too rabid to focus on any of the many games playing on the screens. There was hockey. Football. Soccer. Basketball. None of it was anything other than a blur.

“You never ended it,” Ryker pointed out. “You never claimed victory and kicked my guys out of the gym.”

He was right. By all means, I’d won. I should’ve kicked him and his guys to the gutter weeks ago. But doing that acknowledged the bet existed. And I’d wanted to pretend it hadn’t.

“Yeah. Well.” I shrugged.

“How did you go in your away game?” Ryker questioned, shifting the conversation.

“No fucking clue,” I admitted.

“Shit. You really love her, huh?”

I sipped my beer. “Yeah.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence, one where I was kicking myself. I couldn’t believe I’d lost her. Each time I reminded myself, the revelation hit heavier. My first breakup, and it was fucking brutal. Just like this hangover was bound to be tomorrow. Lastlings should’ve been the last place I came to. There were too many reminders. It’s where I’d met Grace. Where I’d been only last weekend, her on my lap. Outside admitting I loved her. Trying to work through our future. After tonight, I was vetoing this place. I couldn’t come back.

“Do you still like her?” I asked Ryker, regretting the question immediately.

I had no idea what I was hoping to achieve here.

“Not like you do.” He cleared his throat, setting down his drink. “But if I’d gotten to be with her like you had. . . ” He trailed off, clearly reading my expression that was telling him to fucking cut off the thought. “I’d be just as cut up,” he said instead.

I lounged back in my seat, extending out my legs. They were achy. A reminder that I’d just played a full hockey game with no recollection as to what’d happened. I needed to watch the game back. Particularly the moment that’d sent me to the penalty box for five-minutes. I felt sorry for the guy who’d been on the other end of that. Whatever it turned out to be. My attention snapped to a familiar voice. On the far side of the bar, Summer was rubbing up against a football player. Of fucking course. It was the Running Back, the same guy whose girlfriend Ryan had fooled around with. The dots connected in an obvious line. I sighed.

“What are the odds you mentioned something to him?”

Ryker followed my gaze. “Well. Shit.” He exhaled, shaking his head. “Any chance you’ll let me handle it?”

Anger almost clouded my judgement. Yeah, I was mad at Summer for running her mouth when it wasn’t her business. And I was mad at Ryker for telling the wrong person. But there was no one to blame other than myself. There was always a chance this was going to blow up. I should’ve been honest. Should’ve fessed up. I’d had more than enough opportunities. The nights spent in my bed. The mornings getting ready. The entire time in Colorado. Grace deserved the truth. I’d been a gutless coward.

“Whatever. But you better warn him to stay the fuck away from me for the rest of the school year.”

The atmosphere in Lastlings shifted. The table of girls beside us were staring at the door, excitement sparkling in their hazy eyes. I turned to the entrance. Will, Ryan and Tripp had just walked in, still dressed in their post-game suits and hockey jackets. Just like me. They searched the bar until they spotted me. I’d jumped from the bus and dashed to my car before any of them could ask where I was going. I guess they’d figured it out. They looked worried, especially Will.

“This is cute,” Tripp mused, rapping his hands on the table. “Brooding besties?”

I levelled him with a glare that shut him up. After tipping back the rest of his drink, Ryker slid back his chair. He nodded curtly to me before striding away. I guess we were done. Will guardedly slipped into the stool Ryker had just vacated like it was boobytrapped. He rested his tattooed forearm on the table.

“What the fuck, Levi. You can’t just take off like that.”

I arched a brow.

“We’ve been all over campus looking for you,” Ryan explained, a little more patiently. “What the fuck happened?”

Tripp scowled at me, alarm ringing in his wide eyes. “And what the fuck does Will mean Hughesy is gone?”

The concerned parent act was cute. I’d given Will a brief explanation. I’d needed one when I boarded the bus late. I think my explanation had consisted of seven words in total. Grace found out. She’s gone. It’s over. But he’d understood. He hadn’t mumbled a word the entire drive to the away game. He’d taken the pregame speech and stepped in to stop Coach from ramming down my throat. I threw back the remainder of my drink.

“Can you all stop fucking swearing at me?”

“When you snap the fuck out of this drunken stupor,” Ryan retorted.

Will sighed. “We drove to Ryker’s house, expecting to replace him in a body bag.”

“Wasn’t his fault,” I mumbled.

The guys clearly didn’t know what to make of that. They looked at each other quizzically.

Tripp clamped a hand over my shoulder. “Let’s get you out of here before you make a dumb, drunken decision and hook up with one of these leering puck bunnies.”

Never in a million fucking years. I couldn’t imagine even talking to one. Let alone kissing or touching one. I couldn’t envision a time would ever exist when hooking up with another girl didn’t feel like I was doing the wrong thing by Grace.

Will held out his hand. “Keys?”

I leant forward, reaching into my pocket before slamming them into his hand.

He herded me out of my seat. “Let’s go.”

I wasn’t used to being on the other end of receiving orders, but I was too drunk to object. I followed the guys to the parking lot. Ryan’s car was haphazardly pulled in behind mine, boxing me and a few others in, as though he’d skidded to a stop expecting to replace my hands around Ryker’s throat. It wasn’t a totally crazy prospect.

“We’ll meet you at home,” Tripp called out, climbing into Ryan’s passenger seat.

I fell into mine. It was strange being on this side of the car. The first thing I did was slide the seat all the way back. It was way too far forward. Grace was the last person to sit in it. Fuck. Everything was going to remind me of her. I don’t think I’d even be able to sleep in my bed. I’d be able to smell her all over the pillows and sheets. Rather than follow Ryan home, Will headed in the opposite direction.

“Where are you going?”

“To get food to sober your drunken ass up.”

I didn’t object. I hadn’t eaten since before the game. Usually afterwards I ordered enough to feed a family. No wonder I’d got drunk so quickly.

“Tell me what happened.”

After taking an encouraging breath, I got it all off my chest. Explaining how Grace found out, to how Summer knew in the first place. Really, the fact Grace hadn’t found out sooner was a surprise. If Summer knew, it was likely a lot of people did. Hell, she’d even told Tripp. Deep down, I think I’d known this was coming. I just hadn’t expected Grace to run off like that. I thought she’d give me a chance to prove the bet meant nothing. When Will pulled into the drive-thru, I mumbled my order to him while he relayed it to the voice box. Now I’d been in a moving car I was starting to feel queasy. I leant forward, resting my hands on my thighs. Will glanced at me with pity.

“Are you going to be okay, man?”

“I’ll be fine after some food.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Of course not. I rocked back in the seat, my head falling against the headrest. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d ever sat in my passenger seat before. This was a first for me.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

Even though we never figured it out, I was picturing my entire future with Grace. Now she was gone. Just like that. This morning I’d stirred when her alarm went off. She’d kissed my forehead before sliding from the bed. If only I’d known then how the day would pan out. I would’ve pulled her back in. I wouldn’t have let her go.